Raise your activity level to pump up your energy. If you’re on the phone, stand up and pace. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. Put more energy into your voice. Take a brisk 10-minute walk. Even better…
Take a walk outside. Research suggests that light stimulates brain chemicals that improve mood. For an extra boost, get your sunlight first thing in the morning.
Reach out. Send an e-mail to a friend you haven’t seen in a while, or reach out to someone new. Having close bonds with other people is one of the most important keys to happiness. When you act in a friendly way, not only will others feel more friendly toward you, but you’ll also strengthen your feelings of friendliness for other people.
Rid yourself of a nagging task. Deal with that insurance problem, purchase something you need, or make that long-postponed appointment with the dentist. Crossing an irksome chore off your to-do list will give you a big rush of elation.
Create a more serene environment. Outer order contributes to inner peace, so spend some time cleaning off your desk and tackling the piles in the kitchen. A large stack of little tasks can feel overwhelming, but often just a few minutes of work can make a sizable dent. Set the timer for 10 minutes and see what you can do.
Do a good deed. Introduce two people by e-mail, take a minute to pass along useful information, or deliver some gratifying praise.
Save someone’s life. Sign up to be an organ donor, and remember to tell your family about your decision. “Do good, feel good” — it really works!
Act happy. Fake it 'til you feel it. Research shows that even an artificially induced smile boosts your mood. And if you’re smiling, other people will perceive you as being friendlier and more approachable.
Learn something new. Think of a subject that you wish you knew more about and spend 15 minutes on the Internet reading about it, or go to a bookstore and buy a book about it. But be honest! Pick a topic that really interests you, not something you think you "should" or "need" to learn about.
Some people worry that wanting to be happier is a selfish goal, but in fact, research shows that happier people are more sociable, likable, healthy, and productive — and they’re more inclined to help other people. By working to boost your own happiness, you’re making other people happier, too.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Thursday, April 09, 2009
11 Best Things Parents Go Through
Childbirth
Okay, maybe "pleasure" is the wrong word to describe childbirth; labor and delivery are scary, even if mom opts for the epidural and dad stays in the waiting room. But going through what seems a geometric improbability—fit large oblong object through very, very, very narrow space—endows you with a newfound respect for human life. It is, indeed, a miracle. After all, the female body accomplishes what even the best business minds rarely can: conceive of and launch a new product in just nine months. No R&D budget, PowerPoint presentation or marketing plan required.
First Time Out of the House
Having swaddled your baby like a sausage, covered her soft spot with two pink-and-blue hospital caps, strapped her into the portable "bucket," belted the bucket onto a stroller, looked both ways five times before crossing the street, and walking 1 mph around the neighborhood in 72-degree weather, you return home knowing that you and your child survived the great outdoors without breaking or catching pneumonia. This may seem like a minor achievement, but after this journey your confidence soars. From this point on, anything is possible!
Potty Training
Yes! It's amazing how excited you can get over poop and pee. Fear that your child will graduate from size 6 Cruisers to Depends, instead of underpants, no longer keeps you up at night. In addition to the sense of newfound independence you both feel, there's nothing quite like watching your 3-year-old sit on the toilet as you secretly calculate the money you'll save not buying diapers. Compounded over 15 years, it could pay for his freshman year at college.
Family Meals
As a parent, you rediscover the four main food groups and learn to cook instead of dial for dinner. Better yet, you actually sit down to eat and talk with your family. You'll find out what your kids learned at school. You'll hear their views on current events. Maybe you'll just laugh together. Not every meal will be so satisfying, but sharing mealtime with your family has a way of putting life into perspective, one day at a time.
Playtime
Parenthood is like a time machine. From Candyland to hide-and-seek, patty-cake to reading The Cat in the Hat, playing with your kids awakens memories and senses long forgotten. Every time you build with Legos, dress-up like a princess, re-read Ping, or watch The Wizard of Oz, you'll rediscover a kind of creative, imaginary fun that adulthood rarely accommodates. It can be difficult to exit work time and enter playtime—and trying to forget about office deadlines and pressures—but once you free your mind, you'll live in and enjoy the moment.
Hugs and Kisses
A peck on the cheek at bedtime. A full-body squeeze before you head out to work. Hugs and kisses from your kids are shots of adrenaline, caffeine, and sugar all at once. Shows of affection may get fewer and farther between as children grow older, but each one of them is a natural high.
Seeing Yourself in Your Child
Your daughter inherits your sense of humor and your spouse's corkscrew curls. Even better, she does not inherit your inability to add fractions or your husband's dance moves. Observing the physical and personality traits that manifest themselves in your children—and those that, thankfully, do not—is one of the most gratifying parts of watching your children evolve.
Discovering New Hobbies
Kids introduce us to things we never thought we'd be remotely interested in. Before having my son, I was completely unfamiliar with construction equipment. Now, I can spot a Caterpillar backhoe loader from 500 feet away while driving 60 mph—and I get excited about it! If you hate sports, expect your son to be on the basketball team. If you're tone deaf, don't be surprised if your daughter plays the lead in the school musical. Inevitably they expand our world, making it a more interesting place.
Reliving First Love … and First Heartbreak
When your children fall in love for the first time, you'll briefly long for the giddy, adolescent feeling of the head-to-toe crush, followed by the fireworks of a first kiss—and all those other firsts. But then, you'll watch as they wait for a phone call, a second date, an invite to the prom that never comes. Your heart breaks for your son or daughter, but you're grateful that you never have to feel that particular brand of teenage pain again. First loves are best relived vicariously.
Graduation Days
Whether it's kindergarten, elementary school, high school, college, or beyond, the day your children formally pass from one educational level to another is thrilling, and almost as relieving as potty training. Your deepest fears that they "won't make it" are replaced by overwhelming excitement for their future and pride at the hard work you both put into past education, from their ABCs to their Ph.D.s.
Rediscovering Your Spouse
You think you know your significant other, but having a child casts your partner in a whole new light—not just as a spouse, a lover, or a friend, but as a mother or a father. You'll smile as your partner wrestles with your son, teaches your daughter to drive, or explains why we don't poke the cat. Watching my husband be a dad—patient and silly, gentle and engaged—makes me love him even more.
Okay, maybe "pleasure" is the wrong word to describe childbirth; labor and delivery are scary, even if mom opts for the epidural and dad stays in the waiting room. But going through what seems a geometric improbability—fit large oblong object through very, very, very narrow space—endows you with a newfound respect for human life. It is, indeed, a miracle. After all, the female body accomplishes what even the best business minds rarely can: conceive of and launch a new product in just nine months. No R&D budget, PowerPoint presentation or marketing plan required.
First Time Out of the House
Having swaddled your baby like a sausage, covered her soft spot with two pink-and-blue hospital caps, strapped her into the portable "bucket," belted the bucket onto a stroller, looked both ways five times before crossing the street, and walking 1 mph around the neighborhood in 72-degree weather, you return home knowing that you and your child survived the great outdoors without breaking or catching pneumonia. This may seem like a minor achievement, but after this journey your confidence soars. From this point on, anything is possible!
Potty Training
Yes! It's amazing how excited you can get over poop and pee. Fear that your child will graduate from size 6 Cruisers to Depends, instead of underpants, no longer keeps you up at night. In addition to the sense of newfound independence you both feel, there's nothing quite like watching your 3-year-old sit on the toilet as you secretly calculate the money you'll save not buying diapers. Compounded over 15 years, it could pay for his freshman year at college.
Family Meals
As a parent, you rediscover the four main food groups and learn to cook instead of dial for dinner. Better yet, you actually sit down to eat and talk with your family. You'll find out what your kids learned at school. You'll hear their views on current events. Maybe you'll just laugh together. Not every meal will be so satisfying, but sharing mealtime with your family has a way of putting life into perspective, one day at a time.
Playtime
Parenthood is like a time machine. From Candyland to hide-and-seek, patty-cake to reading The Cat in the Hat, playing with your kids awakens memories and senses long forgotten. Every time you build with Legos, dress-up like a princess, re-read Ping, or watch The Wizard of Oz, you'll rediscover a kind of creative, imaginary fun that adulthood rarely accommodates. It can be difficult to exit work time and enter playtime—and trying to forget about office deadlines and pressures—but once you free your mind, you'll live in and enjoy the moment.
Hugs and Kisses
A peck on the cheek at bedtime. A full-body squeeze before you head out to work. Hugs and kisses from your kids are shots of adrenaline, caffeine, and sugar all at once. Shows of affection may get fewer and farther between as children grow older, but each one of them is a natural high.
Seeing Yourself in Your Child
Your daughter inherits your sense of humor and your spouse's corkscrew curls. Even better, she does not inherit your inability to add fractions or your husband's dance moves. Observing the physical and personality traits that manifest themselves in your children—and those that, thankfully, do not—is one of the most gratifying parts of watching your children evolve.
Discovering New Hobbies
Kids introduce us to things we never thought we'd be remotely interested in. Before having my son, I was completely unfamiliar with construction equipment. Now, I can spot a Caterpillar backhoe loader from 500 feet away while driving 60 mph—and I get excited about it! If you hate sports, expect your son to be on the basketball team. If you're tone deaf, don't be surprised if your daughter plays the lead in the school musical. Inevitably they expand our world, making it a more interesting place.
Reliving First Love … and First Heartbreak
When your children fall in love for the first time, you'll briefly long for the giddy, adolescent feeling of the head-to-toe crush, followed by the fireworks of a first kiss—and all those other firsts. But then, you'll watch as they wait for a phone call, a second date, an invite to the prom that never comes. Your heart breaks for your son or daughter, but you're grateful that you never have to feel that particular brand of teenage pain again. First loves are best relived vicariously.
Graduation Days
Whether it's kindergarten, elementary school, high school, college, or beyond, the day your children formally pass from one educational level to another is thrilling, and almost as relieving as potty training. Your deepest fears that they "won't make it" are replaced by overwhelming excitement for their future and pride at the hard work you both put into past education, from their ABCs to their Ph.D.s.
Rediscovering Your Spouse
You think you know your significant other, but having a child casts your partner in a whole new light—not just as a spouse, a lover, or a friend, but as a mother or a father. You'll smile as your partner wrestles with your son, teaches your daughter to drive, or explains why we don't poke the cat. Watching my husband be a dad—patient and silly, gentle and engaged—makes me love him even more.
De-Stress Your Weeknights
Outsource what you can
* Tame that stress-inducing pile of schoolwork. Train kids to put permission slips, tests, etc. in folders marked for each child that you can review in the relative calm after dinner, says Donna Smallin, author of A to Z Storage Solutions. "To get kids to use their folders, put a love note or dollar inside now and then for the first few weeks," she adds.
* Find another set of hands. Having a helper to play with younger kids, fold laundry, or walk the dog is a godsend, says Diane Chapman of Briarcliff Manor, NY, who occasionally hires one from 4 to 7 p.m. Check your local middle school or church; expect to pay $5 to $12 per hour.
Change your mind-set
* Find your "sweater moment." Having a physical routine when you walk through the door — remember Mr. Rogers swapping his jacket for a comfy cardigan? — helps you and kids transition when they're most likely to be clamoring for attention and your nerves are frayed, says communications expert Laurie Puhn, author of Instant Persuasion. "Don't say, 'Mommy needs five minutes,' since kids often don't understand time," says Puhn. "But they do understand a physical action like changing your shirt. Say, 'Hi, guys — I can't wait to hear about your day. Stay here while I change my clothes; I'll be right back, and then we'll catch up.'"
* Laugh at the chaos. The next time you're driving to the music store at 7 p.m. because your son forgot to mention he was out of saxophone reeds until (when else?) the night before the band concert, remember this: "See the humor in your crazy nights," says motivational speaker Leslie Charles, author of Bless Your Stress. If you didn't have such an overflowing, full, and productive life, weeknights would be a lot calmer — but also a lot more boring.
Say yes to not cooking.
To avoid late (and cranky) dinnertimes, why don't you...
* Triple your recipes. I've never been able to spend weekends cooking and freezing dinners ahead of time. Instead, I cook every third night, tripling recipes (chili, lasagna, etc.). I freeze two portions, and then alternate what I serve. With frozen microwave veggies, we're good to go.
* Use the buddy system. Try the same trick, but extend it: Michele Borba, author of 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know, has friends who each make and freeze two casseroles every week and then trade dishes so everyone has a stocked, varied freezer.
* Pick up dinner at lunch. When I worked for a newspaper, I'd often grab a rotisserie chicken while at the deli for lunch and then stash it in the office fridge. No one ever said dinner had to be homemade.
* Tame that stress-inducing pile of schoolwork. Train kids to put permission slips, tests, etc. in folders marked for each child that you can review in the relative calm after dinner, says Donna Smallin, author of A to Z Storage Solutions. "To get kids to use their folders, put a love note or dollar inside now and then for the first few weeks," she adds.
* Find another set of hands. Having a helper to play with younger kids, fold laundry, or walk the dog is a godsend, says Diane Chapman of Briarcliff Manor, NY, who occasionally hires one from 4 to 7 p.m. Check your local middle school or church; expect to pay $5 to $12 per hour.
Change your mind-set
* Find your "sweater moment." Having a physical routine when you walk through the door — remember Mr. Rogers swapping his jacket for a comfy cardigan? — helps you and kids transition when they're most likely to be clamoring for attention and your nerves are frayed, says communications expert Laurie Puhn, author of Instant Persuasion. "Don't say, 'Mommy needs five minutes,' since kids often don't understand time," says Puhn. "But they do understand a physical action like changing your shirt. Say, 'Hi, guys — I can't wait to hear about your day. Stay here while I change my clothes; I'll be right back, and then we'll catch up.'"
* Laugh at the chaos. The next time you're driving to the music store at 7 p.m. because your son forgot to mention he was out of saxophone reeds until (when else?) the night before the band concert, remember this: "See the humor in your crazy nights," says motivational speaker Leslie Charles, author of Bless Your Stress. If you didn't have such an overflowing, full, and productive life, weeknights would be a lot calmer — but also a lot more boring.
Say yes to not cooking.
To avoid late (and cranky) dinnertimes, why don't you...
* Triple your recipes. I've never been able to spend weekends cooking and freezing dinners ahead of time. Instead, I cook every third night, tripling recipes (chili, lasagna, etc.). I freeze two portions, and then alternate what I serve. With frozen microwave veggies, we're good to go.
* Use the buddy system. Try the same trick, but extend it: Michele Borba, author of 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know, has friends who each make and freeze two casseroles every week and then trade dishes so everyone has a stocked, varied freezer.
* Pick up dinner at lunch. When I worked for a newspaper, I'd often grab a rotisserie chicken while at the deli for lunch and then stash it in the office fridge. No one ever said dinner had to be homemade.
daily tip
Do This: Give Hugs
Having close, healthy relationships with friends and loved ones can help you live longer. Friends and family can boost your self-esteem, reduce stress, and contribute to your overall well-being. Keep up with your social connections, and give hugs freely.
Having close, healthy relationships with friends and loved ones can help you live longer. Friends and family can boost your self-esteem, reduce stress, and contribute to your overall well-being. Keep up with your social connections, and give hugs freely.
Cheap and Easy Ways to Get Happy
Flower Power
A cheap sunflower stem for your desk gives a bunch of benefits in one. It has associations with the sun and an almost human-looking face, and the color of its petals has been shown to evoke positive emotions. Plus, people with plants in their offices actually feel happier about their jobs, according to a new study in HortScience.
Take the Long Way Home
Routines comfort humans, but ironically, switching them up and making them more novel also creates positive emotions. Once a week, throw a curve into your commute by swinging by a park on the way home or taking a river road to enjoy the scenery.
Gleeful Eating
Who doesn’t love to chow? Follow these tips to get an even bigger mood boost from your meals.
1. Choose a white plate. Its clean palette accentuates the positive emotions you get from looking at a variety of hues and focuses your senses, making food taste better.
2. Color code your meals. A rainbow of colors makes you happy, but red may trigger you to eat more, so add yellow corn, some peppers, purple eggplant, and a sprig of mint or parsley.
3. Order first at a restaurant. After the first person goes, others tend to choose differently and wind up less satisfied with their pick, says Dan Ariely, PhD, author of Predictably Irrational.
Just Say No
The happiest people feel they have power over their time, says David G. Myers, author of The Pursuit of Happiness. Say “Sorry, I’m already booked” to a distant cousin’s shower or a nonessential work lunch.
Light a Scented Candle for No Reason
Stop saving your pretty pillar for entertaining and hookups. (What, you alone aren’t worth it?) Burn that thing to wick’s end, especially in a scent like lavender or green apple, which have been proven to lift your mood.
Eat Nostalgic Snacks
You sorta recall loving Fruit Roll-Ups or s’mores as a kid, but chances are, it’s been a million years since you’ve had them. Let us reintroduce you to their selling points: (a) Yum, and (b) the taste flashback brings up the sweet memories linked to these treats.
Set an Absurdly Easy Goal
Even if it’s just Get to work on time, Clean out wallet, or Make homemade vinaigrette, “accomplishments, no matter how insignificant, strengthen your sense of control over your life, and happiness is a by-product of feeling in control,” says psychologist John Reich, PhD.
Flake
Let that mountain of laundry slide for a weekend, and instead, simply read a great book or take a walk in nature. If you can’t hang out at home without guilt, apartment-sit for a pal. “Most of us are wired to do things to make ourselves happy, but just being in the moment creates joy,” says Kessel.
Find Your Perfect Hue
Painting a wall at home can have a mood-boosting effect, says psychologist Nancy J. Stone, PhD, who studies the impact of color. It’s thought that blue is calming (ideal for bedrooms) and green creates a relaxed feeling (good for living rooms). Yellow is said to be cheery — a great kitchen hue.
Go for a Run
Scientists recently confirmed the existence of the endorphin-fueled runner’s high, so get out there and go till you hit your wall. Then ride the exercise buzz...and the sense of satisfaction, whether you made it 1 mile or 10.
Crack Open a Cold One Postsweat
After Ultimate Frisbee with pals, try drinking a beer. It can actually help you rehydrate and prevent muscle pain, says a University of Granada study.
A cheap sunflower stem for your desk gives a bunch of benefits in one. It has associations with the sun and an almost human-looking face, and the color of its petals has been shown to evoke positive emotions. Plus, people with plants in their offices actually feel happier about their jobs, according to a new study in HortScience.
Take the Long Way Home
Routines comfort humans, but ironically, switching them up and making them more novel also creates positive emotions. Once a week, throw a curve into your commute by swinging by a park on the way home or taking a river road to enjoy the scenery.
Gleeful Eating
Who doesn’t love to chow? Follow these tips to get an even bigger mood boost from your meals.
1. Choose a white plate. Its clean palette accentuates the positive emotions you get from looking at a variety of hues and focuses your senses, making food taste better.
2. Color code your meals. A rainbow of colors makes you happy, but red may trigger you to eat more, so add yellow corn, some peppers, purple eggplant, and a sprig of mint or parsley.
3. Order first at a restaurant. After the first person goes, others tend to choose differently and wind up less satisfied with their pick, says Dan Ariely, PhD, author of Predictably Irrational.
Just Say No
The happiest people feel they have power over their time, says David G. Myers, author of The Pursuit of Happiness. Say “Sorry, I’m already booked” to a distant cousin’s shower or a nonessential work lunch.
Light a Scented Candle for No Reason
Stop saving your pretty pillar for entertaining and hookups. (What, you alone aren’t worth it?) Burn that thing to wick’s end, especially in a scent like lavender or green apple, which have been proven to lift your mood.
Eat Nostalgic Snacks
You sorta recall loving Fruit Roll-Ups or s’mores as a kid, but chances are, it’s been a million years since you’ve had them. Let us reintroduce you to their selling points: (a) Yum, and (b) the taste flashback brings up the sweet memories linked to these treats.
Set an Absurdly Easy Goal
Even if it’s just Get to work on time, Clean out wallet, or Make homemade vinaigrette, “accomplishments, no matter how insignificant, strengthen your sense of control over your life, and happiness is a by-product of feeling in control,” says psychologist John Reich, PhD.
Flake
Let that mountain of laundry slide for a weekend, and instead, simply read a great book or take a walk in nature. If you can’t hang out at home without guilt, apartment-sit for a pal. “Most of us are wired to do things to make ourselves happy, but just being in the moment creates joy,” says Kessel.
Find Your Perfect Hue
Painting a wall at home can have a mood-boosting effect, says psychologist Nancy J. Stone, PhD, who studies the impact of color. It’s thought that blue is calming (ideal for bedrooms) and green creates a relaxed feeling (good for living rooms). Yellow is said to be cheery — a great kitchen hue.
Go for a Run
Scientists recently confirmed the existence of the endorphin-fueled runner’s high, so get out there and go till you hit your wall. Then ride the exercise buzz...and the sense of satisfaction, whether you made it 1 mile or 10.
Crack Open a Cold One Postsweat
After Ultimate Frisbee with pals, try drinking a beer. It can actually help you rehydrate and prevent muscle pain, says a University of Granada study.
Vision Facts and Myths
Myth: Sitting too close to the TV is bad for the eyes.
Fact: Although parents have been saying this ever since TVs first found their way into our living rooms, there's no evidence that plunking down right in front of the TV set damages someone's eyes. The American Academy of Ophthalmology (AAO) says that kids can actually focus up close without eyestrain better than adults, so they often develop the habit of sitting right in front of the television or holding reading material close to their eyes. However, sitting close to a TV may be a sign of nearsightedness.
Myth: If you cross your eyes, they'll stay that way.
Fact: Contrary to the old saying, eyes will not stay that way if you cross them.
Myth: If parents have poor eyesight, their kids will inherit that trait.
Fact: Unfortunately, this one is sometimes true. If you need glasses for good vision or have developed an eye condition (such as cataracts), your child may inherit that same trait. Discuss your family's visual history with your doctor.
Myth: Eating carrots can improve vision.
Fact: Although it's true that carrots are rich in vitamin A, which is essential for sight, so are many other foods (asparagus, apricots, nectarines, and milk, for example). A well-balanced diet can provide the vitamin A needed for good vision, says the AAO.
Myth: Computer use can damage the eyes.
Fact: According to the AAO, computer use won't harm the eyes. However, when using a computer for long periods of time, the eyes blink less than normal (like they do when reading or performing other close work). This makes the eyes dry, which may lead to a feeling of eyestrain or fatigue. So encourage your kids to take frequent breaks from Internet surfing or video games.
Myth: Two blue-eyed parents can't produce a child with brown eyes.
Fact: Two blue-eyed parents can have a child with brown eyes, although it's very rare. Likewise, two brown-eyed parents can have a child with blue eyes, although this is also uncommon.
Myth: Only boys can be color-blind.
Fact: It's estimated that up to 8% of boys have some degree of color blindness, whereas less than 1% of girls do.
Fact: Although parents have been saying this ever since TVs first found their way into our living rooms, there's no evidence that plunking down right in front of the TV set damages someone's eyes. The American Academy of Ophthalmology (AAO) says that kids can actually focus up close without eyestrain better than adults, so they often develop the habit of sitting right in front of the television or holding reading material close to their eyes. However, sitting close to a TV may be a sign of nearsightedness.
Myth: If you cross your eyes, they'll stay that way.
Fact: Contrary to the old saying, eyes will not stay that way if you cross them.
Myth: If parents have poor eyesight, their kids will inherit that trait.
Fact: Unfortunately, this one is sometimes true. If you need glasses for good vision or have developed an eye condition (such as cataracts), your child may inherit that same trait. Discuss your family's visual history with your doctor.
Myth: Eating carrots can improve vision.
Fact: Although it's true that carrots are rich in vitamin A, which is essential for sight, so are many other foods (asparagus, apricots, nectarines, and milk, for example). A well-balanced diet can provide the vitamin A needed for good vision, says the AAO.
Myth: Computer use can damage the eyes.
Fact: According to the AAO, computer use won't harm the eyes. However, when using a computer for long periods of time, the eyes blink less than normal (like they do when reading or performing other close work). This makes the eyes dry, which may lead to a feeling of eyestrain or fatigue. So encourage your kids to take frequent breaks from Internet surfing or video games.
Myth: Two blue-eyed parents can't produce a child with brown eyes.
Fact: Two blue-eyed parents can have a child with brown eyes, although it's very rare. Likewise, two brown-eyed parents can have a child with blue eyes, although this is also uncommon.
Myth: Only boys can be color-blind.
Fact: It's estimated that up to 8% of boys have some degree of color blindness, whereas less than 1% of girls do.
Inherited color vision problems
Most color vision problems are inherited (genetic) problems with the cone cells in the eye that see color. Inherited color vision problems affect both eyes equally, are usually present at birth, and do not change during a person's life.
The most common color vision problems are inherited problems that make it harder to see red or green, so it becomes difficult to distinguish between shades of these two colors. This type of problem affects about 8% of males and less than 1% of females. A rare type of inherited problem that affects the way a person sees blue and yellow shades occurs equally in men and women.1
Types of inherited color vision problems
There are four main types of inherited color vision problems.
The most common type of color vision problem, called anomalous trichromacy, occurs in people who have all three types of cone cells (for seeing red, green, or blue) but are missing or have an abnormal amount of one type of cone cell, or one type has a flaw in the pigments that the cone cells use to sense color.
* People with this type can see all three colors—red, green, and blue—but not as well as people with normal color vision. That is, they see different shades of colors than people with normal color vision.
* The most common color vision problem is trouble seeing red and green. This problem varies greatly from person to person. Some people have only a little trouble seeing red and green, and they may not even know that they have a color vision problem. Other people may have a very hard time seeing red and green.
Another type of color vision problem, called dichromacy, occurs when one of the three types of cone cells is missing. That is, a person can only see two of the three colors.
* Most people with this color vision problem can tell the difference between blues and yellows but have trouble seeing reds and greens. (A very few people in this category can see reds and greens but not blues and yellows.)
* People with this type of problem have more serious color vision problems compared with the first type (anomalous trichromacy).
The third type of inherited color vision problem, called blue-cone monochromacy, occurs when two of the cone cells (red and green) are missing.
* This problem affects only boys and men.
* Distance vision is often poor, and boys with this condition may have shaky eyes (nystagmus).
* A boy or man with blue-cone monochromacy relies only on his blue cones for color vision.
The fourth main type of inherited color vision problem, called achromatopsia, occurs when all three types of cone cells are missing.
* A person with this color vision problem cannot see any color, only shades of gray, black, and white.
* People who have this type of color vision problem may also have other vision problems, such as poor distance and reading vision and sensitivity to light (photophobia).
* This type of color vision problem is the rarest and most severe.
* This is also called rod monochromacy, because the person must rely on the eye's rod cells for vision.
Genetics of inherited color vision problems
Most color vision problems are inherited flaws in the genes that control the production of the cone pigments of the cone cells in the eye that see color.
The genes for the cone cells involved in seeing red and green colors are on the X chromosome. Females have two X chromosomes. Males have only one X chromosome and a Y chromosome, and they receive their X chromosome from their mother.
* A male will have a red/green color vision problem if the flawed gene is on his single X chromosome. A female must have the flawed gene on both X chromosomes to cause color vision problems, and this happens much less often.
* A woman who is carrying a gene for this type of color vision problem has a 50% chance of passing it on to her sons (because they will receive one of her two X chromosomes). Her daughters will have the color vision problem if they receive the flawed gene on the X chromosome from both the mother and the father. This is much less likely to happen.
* A woman may carry the gene for red/green color vision problems without being affected but may pass the gene on to her children. This is why a color vision problem may "skip" a generation in families that have a history of color vision problems.
The genes for the cone pigments involved in seeing blue colors are not on the X chromosome but on a non-sex chromosome that both males and females have. This means blue color vision problems occur equally often in males and females. However, these types of color vision problems are relatively rare.
The most common color vision problems are inherited problems that make it harder to see red or green, so it becomes difficult to distinguish between shades of these two colors. This type of problem affects about 8% of males and less than 1% of females. A rare type of inherited problem that affects the way a person sees blue and yellow shades occurs equally in men and women.1
Types of inherited color vision problems
There are four main types of inherited color vision problems.
The most common type of color vision problem, called anomalous trichromacy, occurs in people who have all three types of cone cells (for seeing red, green, or blue) but are missing or have an abnormal amount of one type of cone cell, or one type has a flaw in the pigments that the cone cells use to sense color.
* People with this type can see all three colors—red, green, and blue—but not as well as people with normal color vision. That is, they see different shades of colors than people with normal color vision.
* The most common color vision problem is trouble seeing red and green. This problem varies greatly from person to person. Some people have only a little trouble seeing red and green, and they may not even know that they have a color vision problem. Other people may have a very hard time seeing red and green.
Another type of color vision problem, called dichromacy, occurs when one of the three types of cone cells is missing. That is, a person can only see two of the three colors.
* Most people with this color vision problem can tell the difference between blues and yellows but have trouble seeing reds and greens. (A very few people in this category can see reds and greens but not blues and yellows.)
* People with this type of problem have more serious color vision problems compared with the first type (anomalous trichromacy).
The third type of inherited color vision problem, called blue-cone monochromacy, occurs when two of the cone cells (red and green) are missing.
* This problem affects only boys and men.
* Distance vision is often poor, and boys with this condition may have shaky eyes (nystagmus).
* A boy or man with blue-cone monochromacy relies only on his blue cones for color vision.
The fourth main type of inherited color vision problem, called achromatopsia, occurs when all three types of cone cells are missing.
* A person with this color vision problem cannot see any color, only shades of gray, black, and white.
* People who have this type of color vision problem may also have other vision problems, such as poor distance and reading vision and sensitivity to light (photophobia).
* This type of color vision problem is the rarest and most severe.
* This is also called rod monochromacy, because the person must rely on the eye's rod cells for vision.
Genetics of inherited color vision problems
Most color vision problems are inherited flaws in the genes that control the production of the cone pigments of the cone cells in the eye that see color.
The genes for the cone cells involved in seeing red and green colors are on the X chromosome. Females have two X chromosomes. Males have only one X chromosome and a Y chromosome, and they receive their X chromosome from their mother.
* A male will have a red/green color vision problem if the flawed gene is on his single X chromosome. A female must have the flawed gene on both X chromosomes to cause color vision problems, and this happens much less often.
* A woman who is carrying a gene for this type of color vision problem has a 50% chance of passing it on to her sons (because they will receive one of her two X chromosomes). Her daughters will have the color vision problem if they receive the flawed gene on the X chromosome from both the mother and the father. This is much less likely to happen.
* A woman may carry the gene for red/green color vision problems without being affected but may pass the gene on to her children. This is why a color vision problem may "skip" a generation in families that have a history of color vision problems.
The genes for the cone pigments involved in seeing blue colors are not on the X chromosome but on a non-sex chromosome that both males and females have. This means blue color vision problems occur equally often in males and females. However, these types of color vision problems are relatively rare.
List of Virtues
Acceptance To consider circumstances, especially those that can not be changed, as satisfactory.
Bravery A quality of spirit that enables you to face danger of pain without showing fear.
Caution Avoidance of rashness, attention to safety.
Curiosity A desire to find out and know things.
Defiance Bold resistance.
Determination Firmness of purpose.
Devotion A great love or loyalty, enthusiastic zeal.
Discretion Being discrete in ones speech, keeping secrets.
Flexibility Adaptable, able to be changed to suit circumstances.
Focus Concentrated awareness and effort.
Forgiveness To cease to feel angry or bitter towards a person or about an offense.
Generosity Giving or ready to give freely, free from meanness or prejudice.
Gentleness Moderate; mild, quite; not rough or severe.
Gratitude Being thankful.
Honesty Truthful; sincere; not lieing or cheating.
Humbleness Modest; not arrogant or boastful.
Humor The ability to perceive, enjoy, or express what is amusing, comical, incongruous, or absurd.
Impartiality Fair.
Industry Diligent, hardworking.
Innocence Guileless, not guilty.
Justice Fair, impartial, giving a deserved response.
Kindness Friendly, helpful, well meaning.
Love A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
Loyalty Steadfast in allegiance to one's homeland, government, or sovereign. Faithful to a person, ideal, custom, cause, or duty.
Majesty Great and impressive dignity.
Moderation The avoidance of extremes in one’s actions or opinions.
Obedience Willingness to obey, to be controlled when necessary, to carry out orders.
Openness Ready and willing to talk candidly.Unsecretive.
Patience The ability to endure delay, trouble, pain or hardship.
Peace Freedom from mental agitation; serenity.
Prudence Wise or careful in conduct. Shrewd or thrifty in planning ahead.
Reliability Can be trusted to do something.
ResponsibilityResponsibility Having control over and accountability for appropriate events.
Sensitivity Heightened awareness of oneself and others within the context of social and personal relationships.
Simplicity Straightforward; not complex or complicated. Unpretentious.
Sincerity Free from pretense or deceit in manner or actions.
Sobriety Serious, solemn and calm. Free from intoxication.
Spontaneity Natural, not planned.
Steadfastness Firm, resolute; determinedly unwavering.
Strength Capable of exerting great force.
Toughness Strong and durable; not easily damaged.
Tranquility Serenely quite and peaceful; undisturbed.
Trust Having confidence in others; lacking suspicion.
Trustworthiness Able to be trusted or depended on; reliable.
Bravery A quality of spirit that enables you to face danger of pain without showing fear.
Caution Avoidance of rashness, attention to safety.
Curiosity A desire to find out and know things.
Defiance Bold resistance.
Determination Firmness of purpose.
Devotion A great love or loyalty, enthusiastic zeal.
Discretion Being discrete in ones speech, keeping secrets.
Flexibility Adaptable, able to be changed to suit circumstances.
Focus Concentrated awareness and effort.
Forgiveness To cease to feel angry or bitter towards a person or about an offense.
Generosity Giving or ready to give freely, free from meanness or prejudice.
Gentleness Moderate; mild, quite; not rough or severe.
Gratitude Being thankful.
Honesty Truthful; sincere; not lieing or cheating.
Humbleness Modest; not arrogant or boastful.
Humor The ability to perceive, enjoy, or express what is amusing, comical, incongruous, or absurd.
Impartiality Fair.
Industry Diligent, hardworking.
Innocence Guileless, not guilty.
Justice Fair, impartial, giving a deserved response.
Kindness Friendly, helpful, well meaning.
Love A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
Loyalty Steadfast in allegiance to one's homeland, government, or sovereign. Faithful to a person, ideal, custom, cause, or duty.
Majesty Great and impressive dignity.
Moderation The avoidance of extremes in one’s actions or opinions.
Obedience Willingness to obey, to be controlled when necessary, to carry out orders.
Openness Ready and willing to talk candidly.Unsecretive.
Patience The ability to endure delay, trouble, pain or hardship.
Peace Freedom from mental agitation; serenity.
Prudence Wise or careful in conduct. Shrewd or thrifty in planning ahead.
Reliability Can be trusted to do something.
ResponsibilityResponsibility Having control over and accountability for appropriate events.
Sensitivity Heightened awareness of oneself and others within the context of social and personal relationships.
Simplicity Straightforward; not complex or complicated. Unpretentious.
Sincerity Free from pretense or deceit in manner or actions.
Sobriety Serious, solemn and calm. Free from intoxication.
Spontaneity Natural, not planned.
Steadfastness Firm, resolute; determinedly unwavering.
Strength Capable of exerting great force.
Toughness Strong and durable; not easily damaged.
Tranquility Serenely quite and peaceful; undisturbed.
Trust Having confidence in others; lacking suspicion.
Trustworthiness Able to be trusted or depended on; reliable.
Magnetic Pulses to Brain Improve Lazy Eye in Adults
FRIDAY, July 18 (HealthDay News) -- Correcting lazy eye in adults is supposed to be impossible, but researchers report they have been able to do that -- at least partially and temporarily -- by beaming magnetic pulses into the brain.
Someone with lazy eye -- ophthalmologists call it amblyopia -- has poor vision because one eye is weaker than the other. Early treatment often has a child wearing a patch over the strong eye to strengthen the weaker one, but the problem has been thought to be untreatable in adulthood. Most of the estimated 6 million Americans with amblyopia are adults.
"We know now that visual loss is caused by poor processing in the cortex," said Benjamin Thompson, a postdoctoral fellow in the ophthalmology department at McGill University in Canada, and a member of the group reporting on the new method in the July 22 issue of Current Biology. "Treatment usually addresses the problem with the eye, not with the cortex."
The study was prompted in part by research at a number of institutions showing that changes can occur in the adult brain, which until recently was thought to be impossible.
The cortex is a vital part of the brain, involved in vision among other functions. Work by other researchers has shown that transcranial magnetic stimulation, in which a rapid train of magnetic impulses is delivered to the brain through a hand-held coil placed on the scalp, has been effective in stroke rehabilitation and is being tested against depression.
When it was tried on nine adults with amblyopia, 15 minutes of magnetic stimulation improved the sensitivity of the weaker eye temporarily, Thompson said. In visual tests, they were able to see finer details than before the treatment.
"We were surprised by how well it worked," he said. "Vision in the amblyopic eye improved for at least 20 minutes after transcranial magnetic stimulation."
It was admittedly a small trial, but "one of the issues we were addressing was whether amblyopia could be treated in adults," Thompson said. "The adult brain doesn't have the same capacity for change as in children."
There are two ways to exploit the finding, and the McGill group plans to try both of them, Thomson said. One route is to use multiple bouts of transcranial stimulation.
"We've only tried a single dose so far in our study," he said. "Now, we can look at the effect of repeated doses. In depression, it seems they can have an effect."
The other possibility is to use magnetic stimulation to prime the brain for a rehabilitation program, a training regimen in which adults are asked to perform a series of visual tasks. Recent studies have indicated that such a perceptual training program can improve vision in amblyopic eyes.
"We will also have a parallel project, a training regime with stimuli to both eyes, higher-contrast stimuli to the amblyopic eye," Thompson said. "We hope that repeated exposure will bring improvement."
The report is one of several indicating that the adult brain has more capacity for change than had been thought, said Dr. Robert Cykiert, a clinical associate professor of ophthalmology at New York University.
Lazy eye occurs because the proper connections between the eye and the cortex do not form early in life, Cykiert explained. "We thought that if the connections do not form by age 10 or so, it is too late."
The McGill study indicates otherwise, he noted. "The study has very preliminary results, but obviously this may lead to other related or similar treatments that may have a more lasting effect," Cykiert said. "What we might be able to do is to allow people with lazy eye to have treatments that stimulate that part of the brain."
Someone with lazy eye -- ophthalmologists call it amblyopia -- has poor vision because one eye is weaker than the other. Early treatment often has a child wearing a patch over the strong eye to strengthen the weaker one, but the problem has been thought to be untreatable in adulthood. Most of the estimated 6 million Americans with amblyopia are adults.
"We know now that visual loss is caused by poor processing in the cortex," said Benjamin Thompson, a postdoctoral fellow in the ophthalmology department at McGill University in Canada, and a member of the group reporting on the new method in the July 22 issue of Current Biology. "Treatment usually addresses the problem with the eye, not with the cortex."
The study was prompted in part by research at a number of institutions showing that changes can occur in the adult brain, which until recently was thought to be impossible.
The cortex is a vital part of the brain, involved in vision among other functions. Work by other researchers has shown that transcranial magnetic stimulation, in which a rapid train of magnetic impulses is delivered to the brain through a hand-held coil placed on the scalp, has been effective in stroke rehabilitation and is being tested against depression.
When it was tried on nine adults with amblyopia, 15 minutes of magnetic stimulation improved the sensitivity of the weaker eye temporarily, Thompson said. In visual tests, they were able to see finer details than before the treatment.
"We were surprised by how well it worked," he said. "Vision in the amblyopic eye improved for at least 20 minutes after transcranial magnetic stimulation."
It was admittedly a small trial, but "one of the issues we were addressing was whether amblyopia could be treated in adults," Thompson said. "The adult brain doesn't have the same capacity for change as in children."
There are two ways to exploit the finding, and the McGill group plans to try both of them, Thomson said. One route is to use multiple bouts of transcranial stimulation.
"We've only tried a single dose so far in our study," he said. "Now, we can look at the effect of repeated doses. In depression, it seems they can have an effect."
The other possibility is to use magnetic stimulation to prime the brain for a rehabilitation program, a training regimen in which adults are asked to perform a series of visual tasks. Recent studies have indicated that such a perceptual training program can improve vision in amblyopic eyes.
"We will also have a parallel project, a training regime with stimuli to both eyes, higher-contrast stimuli to the amblyopic eye," Thompson said. "We hope that repeated exposure will bring improvement."
The report is one of several indicating that the adult brain has more capacity for change than had been thought, said Dr. Robert Cykiert, a clinical associate professor of ophthalmology at New York University.
Lazy eye occurs because the proper connections between the eye and the cortex do not form early in life, Cykiert explained. "We thought that if the connections do not form by age 10 or so, it is too late."
The McGill study indicates otherwise, he noted. "The study has very preliminary results, but obviously this may lead to other related or similar treatments that may have a more lasting effect," Cykiert said. "What we might be able to do is to allow people with lazy eye to have treatments that stimulate that part of the brain."
5 Revolutions in Vision
A new way to diagnose glaucoma
As we age, nerve fibers may be damaged by a buildup of fluid that exerts pressure within the eye, resulting in a loss of peripheral vision. More than two million Americans are diagnosed with this condition—called glaucoma—each year, often after permanent vision loss has occurred. Now, new technology allows doctors to capture an image of the optical nerve fibers, detecting damage before pressure builds and symptoms appear. "We want to find early damage to the nerve fibers and begin treatment before any vision is lost," says Dr. Steven Odrich, an assistant professor of clinical ophthalmology at Columbia University.
Major advances in laser surgery
Refractive (or laser) eye surgery has been used to correct nearsightedness, farsightedness, and astigmatism for more than 30 years, and new technology is making the procedure even safer. LASIK (laser assisted in-situ keratomileusis) is the most common form of laser surgery, followed by PRK (photorefractive keratectomy). Each uses lasers to change the shape of the cornea.
In PRK, an eye surgeon completely removes the top layer of the cornea. With LASIK, a hinged flap is surgically created to get to the middle layer, where the correction in vision is made. A new diagnostic tool called "wavefront technology" creates a map of the eye, allowing doctors to diagnose and treat vision problems with more precision. If you have LASIK surgery, a new type of laser (called a femtosecond laser) has been developed to make an exact point of entry to the middle cornea.
Better lenses for cataracts
When the lens of your eye becomes cloudy and vision is impaired, you may need cataract surgery. The lens of the eye is removed and replaced with an artificial one, called an intraocular lens (IOL). The procedure—one of the most popular and safest in use today—was developed after World War II, when doctors noticed that plastic fragments lodged in the eyes of bomber pilots did not cause inflammation. Eye surgeons then developed lenses that could be placed directly into the eye to restore vision, but only for distance.
Today, the latest IOLs imitate multi-use glasses like bifocals and trifocals, which allow the wearer to see at a distance, up close, and in between. Similar IOLs even have been approved by the FDA for use in patients with extreme nearsightedness that is not caused by cataracts.
New research on macular degeneration
Age-related macular degeneration, the most common cause of vision loss for people over 55, occurs when either leaky blood vessels ("wet") or other debris ("dry") cloud the macula, a tiny part of the eye responsible for 80 percent of vision. Laser surgery now can be used to treat the first type, and two new drugs injected into the gel behind the lens can help restore vision. For "dry" macular degeneration, new research from the National Eye Institute shows that dietary supplements with high levels of vitamins C, and E, along with beta-carotene and zinc, can minimize effects by 25 percent.
A clearer picture
Some ophthalmologists use digital retinal photography to more easily and accurately diagnose eye disease. Using high-resolution lenses and magnifiers, these cameras are able to observe and record nerve damage caused by a buildup of pressure in the eye (glaucoma) as well as a host of other eye problems that could lead to loss of vision if untreated.
As we age, nerve fibers may be damaged by a buildup of fluid that exerts pressure within the eye, resulting in a loss of peripheral vision. More than two million Americans are diagnosed with this condition—called glaucoma—each year, often after permanent vision loss has occurred. Now, new technology allows doctors to capture an image of the optical nerve fibers, detecting damage before pressure builds and symptoms appear. "We want to find early damage to the nerve fibers and begin treatment before any vision is lost," says Dr. Steven Odrich, an assistant professor of clinical ophthalmology at Columbia University.
Major advances in laser surgery
Refractive (or laser) eye surgery has been used to correct nearsightedness, farsightedness, and astigmatism for more than 30 years, and new technology is making the procedure even safer. LASIK (laser assisted in-situ keratomileusis) is the most common form of laser surgery, followed by PRK (photorefractive keratectomy). Each uses lasers to change the shape of the cornea.
In PRK, an eye surgeon completely removes the top layer of the cornea. With LASIK, a hinged flap is surgically created to get to the middle layer, where the correction in vision is made. A new diagnostic tool called "wavefront technology" creates a map of the eye, allowing doctors to diagnose and treat vision problems with more precision. If you have LASIK surgery, a new type of laser (called a femtosecond laser) has been developed to make an exact point of entry to the middle cornea.
Better lenses for cataracts
When the lens of your eye becomes cloudy and vision is impaired, you may need cataract surgery. The lens of the eye is removed and replaced with an artificial one, called an intraocular lens (IOL). The procedure—one of the most popular and safest in use today—was developed after World War II, when doctors noticed that plastic fragments lodged in the eyes of bomber pilots did not cause inflammation. Eye surgeons then developed lenses that could be placed directly into the eye to restore vision, but only for distance.
Today, the latest IOLs imitate multi-use glasses like bifocals and trifocals, which allow the wearer to see at a distance, up close, and in between. Similar IOLs even have been approved by the FDA for use in patients with extreme nearsightedness that is not caused by cataracts.
New research on macular degeneration
Age-related macular degeneration, the most common cause of vision loss for people over 55, occurs when either leaky blood vessels ("wet") or other debris ("dry") cloud the macula, a tiny part of the eye responsible for 80 percent of vision. Laser surgery now can be used to treat the first type, and two new drugs injected into the gel behind the lens can help restore vision. For "dry" macular degeneration, new research from the National Eye Institute shows that dietary supplements with high levels of vitamins C, and E, along with beta-carotene and zinc, can minimize effects by 25 percent.
A clearer picture
Some ophthalmologists use digital retinal photography to more easily and accurately diagnose eye disease. Using high-resolution lenses and magnifiers, these cameras are able to observe and record nerve damage caused by a buildup of pressure in the eye (glaucoma) as well as a host of other eye problems that could lead to loss of vision if untreated.
Virtues
Virtues are the essence of the human spirit and the content of our character.
assertiveness
caring
cleanliness
commitment
compassion
confidence
consideration
cooperation
courage
courtesy
creativity
detachment
determination
diligence
enthusiasm
excellence
flexibility
forgiveness
friendliness
generosity
gentleness
helpfulness
honesty
honor
humility
idealism
integrity
joyfulness
justice
kindness
love
loyalty
moderation
modesty
orderliness
patience
peacefulness
perseverance
purposefulness
reliability
respect
responsibility
self-discipline
service
tact
thankfulness
tolerance
trust
trustworthiness
truthfulness
understanding
unity
acceptance
beauty
commitment
compassion
confidence
contentment
courage
courtesy
creativity
detachment
devotion
diligence
discernment
enthusiasm
excellence
faith
flexibility
forgiveness
generosity
gentleness
grace
gratitude
humility
idealism
integrity
joy
justice
kindness
love
loyalty
moderation
order
patience
peace
perseverance
prayerfulness
purity
purposefulness
respect
responsibility
reverence
righteousness
sacrifice
self-discipline
service
tolerance
trust
trustworthiness
truthfulness
unity
wisdom
wonder
assertiveness
caring
cleanliness
commitment
compassion
confidence
consideration
cooperation
courage
courtesy
creativity
detachment
determination
diligence
enthusiasm
excellence
flexibility
forgiveness
friendliness
generosity
gentleness
helpfulness
honesty
honor
humility
idealism
integrity
joyfulness
justice
kindness
love
loyalty
moderation
modesty
orderliness
patience
peacefulness
perseverance
purposefulness
reliability
respect
responsibility
self-discipline
service
tact
thankfulness
tolerance
trust
trustworthiness
truthfulness
understanding
unity
acceptance
beauty
commitment
compassion
confidence
contentment
courage
courtesy
creativity
detachment
devotion
diligence
discernment
enthusiasm
excellence
faith
flexibility
forgiveness
generosity
gentleness
grace
gratitude
humility
idealism
integrity
joy
justice
kindness
love
loyalty
moderation
order
patience
peace
perseverance
prayerfulness
purity
purposefulness
respect
responsibility
reverence
righteousness
sacrifice
self-discipline
service
tolerance
trust
trustworthiness
truthfulness
unity
wisdom
wonder
5 Ways to Better Take Care of Your Eyes
Staring at the small screen
All that time spent using computers and PDAs can lead to eyestrain, dry eyes, and blurred vision. To combat these problems, check your work station: Ideally, your monitor should be 5 to 9 inches below eye level. This brings your lids downward, maintaining the healthiest blink rate, says Susan Resnick, an optometrist in New York City. If you can't move the monitor, measure the distance between it and your eyes, then consult your eye-care professional about the right pair of glasses for that distance, says Dr. Gail Royal, an ophthalmologist in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Also make sure there's no glare on your screen. And obey the 20/20/20 rule: For every 20 minutes of screen time, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds to maintain your eyes' focusing system.
In flight
Airplane cabin air is very dry, so keeping your eyes moist is important. Direct air vents away from you, and use artificial tears once every hour, suggests Dr. Royal. But avoid drops that reduce red eye, because they constrict blood vessels. If possible, wear glasses during the flight. If you choose to wear contacts, look for a new class of lenses made with silicone hydrogel, a permeable plastic that allows more oxygen to reach the eyes. Resnick often recommends Acuvue Oasys because they have added wetting agents to help keep the eyes moist.
In the sun
Did you know that UV rays can hurt your eyes as much as they hurt your skin? Overexposure can increase your risk of cataracts, macular degeneration, and pterygia, little bumps on the whites of the eyes. "Every 15 minutes outdoors—even on cloudy days—adds to the cumulative effect of radiation damage," says Resnick. Make sure both sunglasses and contact lenses are UV-protective. (Even with contacts, though, you'll still need sunglasses to protect the whites of your eyes.) Lenses should cover from the forehead down to the cheek and ideally wrap around the temple region, says Dr. Robin Vann, chief of comprehensive ophthalmology at Duke Eye Center in Durham, N.C.
In the dark
Pupils enlarge at night, so any slight blur on the retina becomes exaggerated. Get a thorough eye exam to make sure you're seeing clearly. When driving, minimize glare by looking to the bottom right of the road, use the night setting on your rearview mirror, and keep your car in tip-top nighttime shape (clean headlights, taillights, signal lights, and windows—outside and in). Also, move your eyes from the road to the dashboard and back again to avoid "highway hypnosis" and maintain a keen sense of depth perception. If you read in bed, make sure the light is bright enough that you can see the words without straining, but not so bright that you get a glare. A 60- or 75-watt bulb is best.
Working up a sweat
Some 325,000 sports-related eye injuries occur every year—many resulting in permanent vision loss. More than 90 percent of those accidents could have been prevented with proper eyewear. Choose protective lenses designed for your specific sport. Look for polycarbonate lenses or a new material called Trivex—both are thin and won't shatter. Check the product's certification seal: It should meet the requirements of the American Society for Testing Materials, which vary for each sport. For outdoor sports, polarized lenses help you see more clearly.
All that time spent using computers and PDAs can lead to eyestrain, dry eyes, and blurred vision. To combat these problems, check your work station: Ideally, your monitor should be 5 to 9 inches below eye level. This brings your lids downward, maintaining the healthiest blink rate, says Susan Resnick, an optometrist in New York City. If you can't move the monitor, measure the distance between it and your eyes, then consult your eye-care professional about the right pair of glasses for that distance, says Dr. Gail Royal, an ophthalmologist in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Also make sure there's no glare on your screen. And obey the 20/20/20 rule: For every 20 minutes of screen time, look at something 20 feet away for 20 seconds to maintain your eyes' focusing system.
In flight
Airplane cabin air is very dry, so keeping your eyes moist is important. Direct air vents away from you, and use artificial tears once every hour, suggests Dr. Royal. But avoid drops that reduce red eye, because they constrict blood vessels. If possible, wear glasses during the flight. If you choose to wear contacts, look for a new class of lenses made with silicone hydrogel, a permeable plastic that allows more oxygen to reach the eyes. Resnick often recommends Acuvue Oasys because they have added wetting agents to help keep the eyes moist.
In the sun
Did you know that UV rays can hurt your eyes as much as they hurt your skin? Overexposure can increase your risk of cataracts, macular degeneration, and pterygia, little bumps on the whites of the eyes. "Every 15 minutes outdoors—even on cloudy days—adds to the cumulative effect of radiation damage," says Resnick. Make sure both sunglasses and contact lenses are UV-protective. (Even with contacts, though, you'll still need sunglasses to protect the whites of your eyes.) Lenses should cover from the forehead down to the cheek and ideally wrap around the temple region, says Dr. Robin Vann, chief of comprehensive ophthalmology at Duke Eye Center in Durham, N.C.
In the dark
Pupils enlarge at night, so any slight blur on the retina becomes exaggerated. Get a thorough eye exam to make sure you're seeing clearly. When driving, minimize glare by looking to the bottom right of the road, use the night setting on your rearview mirror, and keep your car in tip-top nighttime shape (clean headlights, taillights, signal lights, and windows—outside and in). Also, move your eyes from the road to the dashboard and back again to avoid "highway hypnosis" and maintain a keen sense of depth perception. If you read in bed, make sure the light is bright enough that you can see the words without straining, but not so bright that you get a glare. A 60- or 75-watt bulb is best.
Working up a sweat
Some 325,000 sports-related eye injuries occur every year—many resulting in permanent vision loss. More than 90 percent of those accidents could have been prevented with proper eyewear. Choose protective lenses designed for your specific sport. Look for polycarbonate lenses or a new material called Trivex—both are thin and won't shatter. Check the product's certification seal: It should meet the requirements of the American Society for Testing Materials, which vary for each sport. For outdoor sports, polarized lenses help you see more clearly.
10 Tips to Protect Your Eyes
1. Regular checkups. When was the last time you had an eye exam? If it was age 3, chances are you’re due. The AAO recommends an eye exam before age 5 to check for childhood problems like lazy eye or crossed eyes, and then on an as-needed basis (vision problems or injuries) up to age 19. One exam in your 20s, and two in your 30s can catch problems for early treatment. It’s normal for vision to change with age, plus serious eye problems like glaucoma and macular degeneration (deterioration of retina that causes loss of detail vision) can be treated if detected early. So step up the eye exams when you hit 40 to every two to four years; after 65, every one to two years. Anyone with diabetes, with a family history of eye problems or African-Americans over 40 should check with their doctor about more frequent visits. (In middle age, African-Americans may need more frequent checkups because of an increased risk for glaucoma.)
2. SPF for the eyes. Sunglasses don’t just prevent crows’ feet from squinting, they also block harmful ultraviolet and other rays than can play a role in cataracts and macular degeneration. Fair-skinned Caucasians are at the greatest risk for the latter. Be sure your sunglasses have 100 percent UV protection. “The blue wavelengths--violet and blue--hit the retina,” says Dr. Lylas Mogk, co-author of Macular Degeneration: The Complete Guide to Saving and Maximizing Your Sight. “The best filters against blue are in the amber-orange-brown range of commercial sunglasses.” You should always wear sunglasses when outside (and not just in the summer) but especially in high glare areas like snow or water. A wide-brimmed hat is great for blocking rays—even if it counteracts the cool of your aviators.
3. Eye protection. Sunglasses aren’t the only protective eyewear you should don. Obviously anyone working around construction, manufacturing—any job with machinery and flying particles—must wear eye protection. But even when you’re working around the house, you should guard your eyes. “Hanging a picture, plaster or even a nail can fly into your eye,” warns Dr. Iwach. Any hardware store sells inexpensive clear plastic eye protection.
4. Contact care. “Contacts are a great tool but they come with responsibility,” says Dr. Iwach. Be sure to have a pair of glasses with a recent prescription so that if you get any irritation you can change over. Wearing your contacts when your eyes are irritated can turn a simple problem (irritation) into a significant problem (ulcers). Make sure you care for the lenses properly. “I can’t believe people who pop a lens in their mouth and then put it in their eye. That is not a good idea unless you want to be seeing the eye doctor a lot,” warns Dr. Iwach. Make sure your solutions aren’t expired, keep your contacts clean—and don’t suck on them.
5. Eye candy. Are carrots really good for your eyes? “Carrots are rich in vitamin A, which the retina needs,” says Dr. Lylas Mogk. “But we’re not in the least bit in danger of having vitamin A deficiencies.” However, green leafy veggies like kale, collard and mustard greens, and spinach are good for the eyes because they contain lutein, which studies indicate can reverse symptoms of macular degeneration. And getting plenty of omega-3 fatty acids from fish and flax can help prevent dry eyes. But avoid omega-6 fatty acids, which is tricky in the American diet. Omega-6s are in vegetable oils. “There are very few processed or packaged foods that don’t have vegetable oils,” notes Dr. Mogk. “And the omega-6s counteract the good omega-3s.”
6. Eye lube. Our eyes get dryer as we age. “The biggest reason people have dry eyes is that the tear film doesn’t have the right consistency of water, mucus and oil,” says Dr. Mogk. The oil part of your tears comes from little glands around your eyelids. As you blink, oil is supposed to coat the eyes. But if you don’t have a good eye slick, the tear film evaporates and eyes feel dry. This triggers extra tear glands, which is why your eyes tear up when they get dry and irritated. Omega-3 helps with this. Also, heat and air conditioning can cause dry eyes, especially if you sit near a vent or fan unit. Make sure your car’s vent isn’t blowing toward your face.
7. Quit smoking. Need another reason to quit smoking? You got it: Smoking increases the risk and accelerates the development of cataracts, macular degeneration and optic nerve damage. “I’d be more afraid of losing your vision than lung cancer,” says Dr. Iwach.
8. Eye strain. Any focused work means you don’t blink as frequently. And all the computer work and Internet surfing can take a toll. It’s always good to take a break, change focus. And artificial tears can help with eyestrain, lubricating the eyes to help you work longer.
9. Talk to your family. Eye problems are often hereditary. If you are diagnosed with glaucoma or another eye condition, share that information with your immediate and extended family. “It’s a way to give the gift of vision for the rest of their life,” notes Dr. Iwach. The sooner people are diagnosed, the more that can be done to treat and prevent further damage.
10. Stay healthy. We’ve already seen how eating right (veggies over processed foods) helps with eye health. Exercise increases circulation, which can lower pressure on the eyes, which helps with those who have glaucoma. Getting regular overall physicals may lead to early detection of diseases like diabetes or other systemic conditions that can lead to eye problems. And most important, if something bothers you or feels wrong, get it checked out. As Dr. Iwach puts it, “You get your oil checked regularly, so get your eyes checked regularly.”
2. SPF for the eyes. Sunglasses don’t just prevent crows’ feet from squinting, they also block harmful ultraviolet and other rays than can play a role in cataracts and macular degeneration. Fair-skinned Caucasians are at the greatest risk for the latter. Be sure your sunglasses have 100 percent UV protection. “The blue wavelengths--violet and blue--hit the retina,” says Dr. Lylas Mogk, co-author of Macular Degeneration: The Complete Guide to Saving and Maximizing Your Sight. “The best filters against blue are in the amber-orange-brown range of commercial sunglasses.” You should always wear sunglasses when outside (and not just in the summer) but especially in high glare areas like snow or water. A wide-brimmed hat is great for blocking rays—even if it counteracts the cool of your aviators.
3. Eye protection. Sunglasses aren’t the only protective eyewear you should don. Obviously anyone working around construction, manufacturing—any job with machinery and flying particles—must wear eye protection. But even when you’re working around the house, you should guard your eyes. “Hanging a picture, plaster or even a nail can fly into your eye,” warns Dr. Iwach. Any hardware store sells inexpensive clear plastic eye protection.
4. Contact care. “Contacts are a great tool but they come with responsibility,” says Dr. Iwach. Be sure to have a pair of glasses with a recent prescription so that if you get any irritation you can change over. Wearing your contacts when your eyes are irritated can turn a simple problem (irritation) into a significant problem (ulcers). Make sure you care for the lenses properly. “I can’t believe people who pop a lens in their mouth and then put it in their eye. That is not a good idea unless you want to be seeing the eye doctor a lot,” warns Dr. Iwach. Make sure your solutions aren’t expired, keep your contacts clean—and don’t suck on them.
5. Eye candy. Are carrots really good for your eyes? “Carrots are rich in vitamin A, which the retina needs,” says Dr. Lylas Mogk. “But we’re not in the least bit in danger of having vitamin A deficiencies.” However, green leafy veggies like kale, collard and mustard greens, and spinach are good for the eyes because they contain lutein, which studies indicate can reverse symptoms of macular degeneration. And getting plenty of omega-3 fatty acids from fish and flax can help prevent dry eyes. But avoid omega-6 fatty acids, which is tricky in the American diet. Omega-6s are in vegetable oils. “There are very few processed or packaged foods that don’t have vegetable oils,” notes Dr. Mogk. “And the omega-6s counteract the good omega-3s.”
6. Eye lube. Our eyes get dryer as we age. “The biggest reason people have dry eyes is that the tear film doesn’t have the right consistency of water, mucus and oil,” says Dr. Mogk. The oil part of your tears comes from little glands around your eyelids. As you blink, oil is supposed to coat the eyes. But if you don’t have a good eye slick, the tear film evaporates and eyes feel dry. This triggers extra tear glands, which is why your eyes tear up when they get dry and irritated. Omega-3 helps with this. Also, heat and air conditioning can cause dry eyes, especially if you sit near a vent or fan unit. Make sure your car’s vent isn’t blowing toward your face.
7. Quit smoking. Need another reason to quit smoking? You got it: Smoking increases the risk and accelerates the development of cataracts, macular degeneration and optic nerve damage. “I’d be more afraid of losing your vision than lung cancer,” says Dr. Iwach.
8. Eye strain. Any focused work means you don’t blink as frequently. And all the computer work and Internet surfing can take a toll. It’s always good to take a break, change focus. And artificial tears can help with eyestrain, lubricating the eyes to help you work longer.
9. Talk to your family. Eye problems are often hereditary. If you are diagnosed with glaucoma or another eye condition, share that information with your immediate and extended family. “It’s a way to give the gift of vision for the rest of their life,” notes Dr. Iwach. The sooner people are diagnosed, the more that can be done to treat and prevent further damage.
10. Stay healthy. We’ve already seen how eating right (veggies over processed foods) helps with eye health. Exercise increases circulation, which can lower pressure on the eyes, which helps with those who have glaucoma. Getting regular overall physicals may lead to early detection of diseases like diabetes or other systemic conditions that can lead to eye problems. And most important, if something bothers you or feels wrong, get it checked out. As Dr. Iwach puts it, “You get your oil checked regularly, so get your eyes checked regularly.”
Problems with In-Laws ?
Move Out
While living separately can change a lot of things, due to financial restrictions it is not always possible to move out of the parents home, at least, not at the drop of a hat. But they could always aim towards buying a house of their own. For every couple undergoing in-law problems, their first goal should be to find independent accommodation, so they can live in peace and bring up their children in a loving atmosphere.
Get A Job
If moving out is not possible for the time being, you, as a woman should change your mindset and try and become more proactive. Get a job. Speak to your friends, neighbours, anyone you know, to find out if anyone knows of any vacancies. Go for interviews and don't take it as a personal insult if you are not selected for the job. J.K. Rowling was rejected by more than 20 publishers before she finally got someone to publish Harry Potter. And now, she's a millionaire 20 times over!
If you are not career oriented and don't forsee yourself in a high-profile career, opt for an easygoing job that will get you out of the house by 9, and in by around 5:30. It will be a change of atmosphere for you. You will make new friends, interact with new people, and no matter how light your job, it will definitely contribute to your personality development. Getting out of the house, rushing to your office, mingling with colleages or customers, making your contribution to the workforce and the economy, getting your salary check at the end of the month, looking forward to weekends and hating Monday mornings, are all parts of the life of an office-goer, and have their own charm.
A job routines you. You're out of the house at a particular time, and you're back at a certain time. As a result, you bathe on time, breakfast on time, lunch on time etc. If you feel that you will not have enough time to do all the things you want to do when you're in a job, you'll be surprised at how you still manage to fit in everything!. True, you'll have to miss those kitty party mid-week lunches, but it's a small sacrifice for something that's so much more fulfilling in the long run. Before you know it, you'll be taking time out for other activities by waking up earlier in the mornings or spending less time in front of the television.
Don't take up a job at the other end of the town if you can avoid it, especially if you are a working mother and have no permanent help. Waking up early every morning to cook lunch for your family and then rushing out to catch the local train, returning home and cooking dinner - is not what I would call an ideal existence. Such an existence is a reality for many, due to the force of circumstance, but I have always believed that the human will is a far more powerful force, and can overcome the force of circumstance with perseverance. Don't be afraid of change.
Keep Your Distance
Continue to respect your mother in law - she is, after all, your husbands mother - but don't be submissive. Be cordial and polite, but keep your distance - physically and emotionally. Don't try and win her over, or it will only cause more hurt when you are faced with ingratitude.
Don't volunteer needlessly. If you are asked for help, and if you are free or can fit it into your schedule, help out by all means, but if you don't have the time, say so firmly and politely, and offer to extend help the next time.
Cultivate A Hobby
Join a performing arts class like dancing or singing. It will help you release some of that pent-up frustration and stress.
Find Your Inner Strength
Don't let yourself get upset by the constant nagging, snide remarks and ingratitude of vicious in-laws. Though this is easier said than done, you will have to work at it, and this is only possible once you have your own life, so go for it!
While living separately can change a lot of things, due to financial restrictions it is not always possible to move out of the parents home, at least, not at the drop of a hat. But they could always aim towards buying a house of their own. For every couple undergoing in-law problems, their first goal should be to find independent accommodation, so they can live in peace and bring up their children in a loving atmosphere.
Get A Job
If moving out is not possible for the time being, you, as a woman should change your mindset and try and become more proactive. Get a job. Speak to your friends, neighbours, anyone you know, to find out if anyone knows of any vacancies. Go for interviews and don't take it as a personal insult if you are not selected for the job. J.K. Rowling was rejected by more than 20 publishers before she finally got someone to publish Harry Potter. And now, she's a millionaire 20 times over!
If you are not career oriented and don't forsee yourself in a high-profile career, opt for an easygoing job that will get you out of the house by 9, and in by around 5:30. It will be a change of atmosphere for you. You will make new friends, interact with new people, and no matter how light your job, it will definitely contribute to your personality development. Getting out of the house, rushing to your office, mingling with colleages or customers, making your contribution to the workforce and the economy, getting your salary check at the end of the month, looking forward to weekends and hating Monday mornings, are all parts of the life of an office-goer, and have their own charm.
A job routines you. You're out of the house at a particular time, and you're back at a certain time. As a result, you bathe on time, breakfast on time, lunch on time etc. If you feel that you will not have enough time to do all the things you want to do when you're in a job, you'll be surprised at how you still manage to fit in everything!. True, you'll have to miss those kitty party mid-week lunches, but it's a small sacrifice for something that's so much more fulfilling in the long run. Before you know it, you'll be taking time out for other activities by waking up earlier in the mornings or spending less time in front of the television.
Don't take up a job at the other end of the town if you can avoid it, especially if you are a working mother and have no permanent help. Waking up early every morning to cook lunch for your family and then rushing out to catch the local train, returning home and cooking dinner - is not what I would call an ideal existence. Such an existence is a reality for many, due to the force of circumstance, but I have always believed that the human will is a far more powerful force, and can overcome the force of circumstance with perseverance. Don't be afraid of change.
Keep Your Distance
Continue to respect your mother in law - she is, after all, your husbands mother - but don't be submissive. Be cordial and polite, but keep your distance - physically and emotionally. Don't try and win her over, or it will only cause more hurt when you are faced with ingratitude.
Don't volunteer needlessly. If you are asked for help, and if you are free or can fit it into your schedule, help out by all means, but if you don't have the time, say so firmly and politely, and offer to extend help the next time.
Cultivate A Hobby
Join a performing arts class like dancing or singing. It will help you release some of that pent-up frustration and stress.
Find Your Inner Strength
Don't let yourself get upset by the constant nagging, snide remarks and ingratitude of vicious in-laws. Though this is easier said than done, you will have to work at it, and this is only possible once you have your own life, so go for it!
Mother-in-Law Problems: They're Worse for Women
the most common flash points were issues traditionally considered maternal ones: child care and housework. Conflict arises when the newcomer and the more experienced matriarch wrestle over whose way is best. There's a concern that the values and norms of a different culture will take your son and your grandchildren away from the values and norms embedded in your own family.
child-rearing was one of the most constant and stressful sources of conflict between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law.
In-law problems
In-law problems can be worked out. Here's how to start:
1. Keep your contacts with them to a minimum. Spend as little time with them as possible. Do not invite them over unless it's absolutely necessary. If they want come over and visit, then let them be entertained by your husband and son while you go run an errand, or make yourself scarce somewhere around the house.
2. Your husband needs to be supportive of you. If his parents snub you in any way, it's his responsibility to put a stop to it. They are his parents, so it is best that he speak up. Otherwise, it just gives the in-laws more reason to disapprove of you. His support of you is not being disloyal to his parents. It simply shows his parents that he respects you, and they must as well.
3. Do not invest yourself emotionally in them. Do not hope for a close relationship with them; their actions show it will never happen. Keep reminding yourself that they are the ones with the problem. Do not go out of your way to please them. For example, if it's their birthday, then it is your husband's responsibility to buy the card/gift and send it to them on behalf of both of you.
4. When around them, act pleasant so as not to give them any ammunition with which to use against you. Being pleasant does not mean you allow them to insult you. If they do insult you, shrug it off in a humorous way, then leave the room and busy yourself with something else.
5. You and your husband should see a marriage counselor to obtain guidance on how to strengthen your marriage and cope with specific in-law problems.
1. Keep your contacts with them to a minimum. Spend as little time with them as possible. Do not invite them over unless it's absolutely necessary. If they want come over and visit, then let them be entertained by your husband and son while you go run an errand, or make yourself scarce somewhere around the house.
2. Your husband needs to be supportive of you. If his parents snub you in any way, it's his responsibility to put a stop to it. They are his parents, so it is best that he speak up. Otherwise, it just gives the in-laws more reason to disapprove of you. His support of you is not being disloyal to his parents. It simply shows his parents that he respects you, and they must as well.
3. Do not invest yourself emotionally in them. Do not hope for a close relationship with them; their actions show it will never happen. Keep reminding yourself that they are the ones with the problem. Do not go out of your way to please them. For example, if it's their birthday, then it is your husband's responsibility to buy the card/gift and send it to them on behalf of both of you.
4. When around them, act pleasant so as not to give them any ammunition with which to use against you. Being pleasant does not mean you allow them to insult you. If they do insult you, shrug it off in a humorous way, then leave the room and busy yourself with something else.
5. You and your husband should see a marriage counselor to obtain guidance on how to strengthen your marriage and cope with specific in-law problems.
The Birth Order Of Children
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when his/her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when his/her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins:
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!
Signs of a Frustrated Mother
Your children know how to read HTML code but can't operate a vacuum cleaner.
Your children tell you that you said "yes" and you don't even remember the question.
You go to the grocery store and find yourself having a good time.
Your husband asks how your day went and you rate it on a scale of 1-10 repeats of "stop that!" or "no!"
You can't remember the last time you didn't have to share your drink.
You mistakenly tell the kids it's "sanity" time when you meant to say "bed" time.
The laundry seems to have taken on an evil nature and you begin to feel that it's out to get you.
You dread hearing the phone ring because it's a sure sign there's about to be trouble amongst the children.
It's finally your turn on the computer and "Touched by an Angel" is just coming on.
You go to sleep with "I'm bored" or "I'm hungry" still ringing in your ears.
Your children tell you that you said "yes" and you don't even remember the question.
You go to the grocery store and find yourself having a good time.
Your husband asks how your day went and you rate it on a scale of 1-10 repeats of "stop that!" or "no!"
You can't remember the last time you didn't have to share your drink.
You mistakenly tell the kids it's "sanity" time when you meant to say "bed" time.
The laundry seems to have taken on an evil nature and you begin to feel that it's out to get you.
You dread hearing the phone ring because it's a sure sign there's about to be trouble amongst the children.
It's finally your turn on the computer and "Touched by an Angel" is just coming on.
You go to sleep with "I'm bored" or "I'm hungry" still ringing in your ears.
Beautiful Hair Secrets
More shine, less shampoo. Don't wash your hair every day unless it is oily. Daily shampooing can strip away the natural oils needed to coat the hair shaft and reflect light. You can let hair go two days without lathering up if hair is dry, damaged or color-treated, and one to two days if hair is normal. Refresh your style without shampoo by rinsing with warm, then cool water.
Why Guys Marry
1: She's Exciting and Always Evolving
You know how every season finale of your favorite TV show ends with a million unanswered questions and you can't freaking wait for the next one? Well, a girl can give her guy that same thrilling mix of exhilaration and anticipation by surprising him.
"She does this by being spontaneous and a little unpredictable, taking on new interests all the time, and revealing different facets of herself," explains Alon Gratch, Ph.D., author of If Love Could Think. By never letting life get static, this woman busts the myth that being married means feeling humdrum. "She makes being with her an adventure, as if there's always a new idea or activity just around the bend," says Gratch.
"With most of my girlfriends, I feared that we'd run out of things to talk about if we spent too much time together. But when I met my fiancée, Gwen, I kept discovering new layers to her. One day she came home from work with a stack of cookbooks; the next week she told me stories about how she loved designing outfits in high school. She's full of small surprises." —Brett, 29
"I dated a lot of girls who liked pushing boundaries, but it all seemed a little forced. My wife's sense of adventure, however, comes from within. She's naturally driven to challenge herself by trying new things. That's the kind of girl you want to marry. If you aren't continually fascinated by each other, it won't last." —Rob, 38
"The thing that makes my fiancée so captivating: She takes risks. I don't mean she bungee jumps off bridges. It's more that when a new opportunity comes along — a different facet to her job or the chance to meet new people at an event or party — she grabs it and proceeds. Her boldness makes her enchanting." —Bob, 27
2: She Really, Really Loves Sex
No big shocker here — a chick who enjoys twisting the sheets will always have a hopping social life. But when a woman makes the effort to have really connected sex that involves both body and mind, she goes from great girlfriend to marriage material in his view.
"Men crave sex that's erotic, but they also want sex that makes them feel deeply bonded," says Gratch. In other words, it's not all about wowing a guy with pretzel-like positions; a big part of having amazing booty is paying close attention to his mind-set and moods during the deed so sex reaches a higher, almost spiritual level.
Another thing that makes them think of the M word: when a woman is actively committed to keeping the passion on high boil. "A guy's biggest fear is that the great sex that made him think you were The One will fall by the wayside," explains Douglas Weiss, Ph.D., author of The 7 Love Agreements: Decisions You Can Make on Your Own to Strengthen Your Marriage. "A woman who puts effort into maintaining that sizzle is a dream come true."
"To make sure that the awesome sex we had when we first met didn't lose its passion, my wife came up with this idea for regular ‘sex bets.' For example, she'd bet me that I couldn't make her climax several times in a row, or I'd challenge her to initiate action in a semipublic spot. We have never fallen into a rut, and our competition keeps us feeling connected." —Jamie, 30
"My fiancée did this terrific thing when we first started having sex: After we were finished, she'd tell me how good I made her feel, that she really liked how I felt against her skin. It made me want to tell her what I liked too. Guys aren't supposed to admit it, but opening up about how sex affects us emotionally actually enhances the physical side of things." —Paul, 28
"My fiancée was up-front from the start about her desire for an extremely satisfying sex life; she never had any hang-ups about taking charge in bed or proposing out-there activities that a lot of women would be afraid to admit they were curious about. I could tell I wasn't getting ensnared in the classic bait-and-switch marriage that so many guys fall into — you know, when the action slows to a halt a year after you become husband and wife." —Russ, 34
3: She Makes It Clear He's Not Her Entire Life
It's flattering to a guy to realize that his girl thinks the world of him, but it's less appealing when he gets the impression that he is her world. That's why a girlfriend who retains her independence and sense of self, even as the relationship takes a serious turn, has definite wife appeal.
"A woman who depends on a man for her sense of fulfillment is a scary thing for a guy," says Gratch. "Men don't want to feel smothered or totally responsible for their partner's day-to-day happiness." The guy ideal: a chick who views coupledom as a solid partnership in which both she and her man still have separate identities.
"Before we were married, Jess would go out with her group of friends a lot, which I later became a part of. But she didn't put all of her focus on me. She made it clear that she was there to hang out with them. I really liked the fact that she wasn't the type of girl who ditches her girlfriends when she meets a guy. It made me confident that she'd always have her own life outside our relationship." —Sam, 33
"She definitely makes time for me so we can do things as boyfriend and girlfriend, but my fiancée also keeps up her own life. She has a weekly dinner with college friends, an art class every Thursday night, plus the responsibilities of her job as a journalist. I like that she doesn't check with me first to see what I want to do and she doesn't offer to bail out of an event or night out with pals in favor of always being with me." —Charles, 35
4: ...Yet She Still Conveys How Very Important He Is to Her
Okay, so men dig independent chicks. But there's a fine line between being independent and acting aloof and detached. Guys settle down with a woman who regularly reveals her tender side and shows him that no matter what happens, she's got his back.
"Men view life as a struggle or war that they're fighting, and they want someone who'll be on their side at all times, through thick and thin," says Gratch. "This doesn't mean that a woman should mother him or assist him with every little detail of his life; it's more about consistently doing small, nurturing things that let him know you really care."
A couple of examples: Bringing him a treat when he tells you he isn't feeling well or complimenting his brilliance after he finishes a stressful work project. "These gestures are tiny, but they reassure a man that his girl is solidly on his team," says Gratch.
"When we first started becoming a serious couple, my fiancé accepted a new job that required a lot of travel and attention. Still, even from hotels across the country, she took the time to call and check in on how my day was going and e-mail me little messages. She even stocked my refrigerator with beer and sandwiches before she'd leave on another trip. Her concern and thoughtfulness helped push our relationship to a higher level." —David, 28
"Every so often, my in-laws and I will get into an argument. But from the very first one, my wife has always respectfully defended me, and this made me want to be with her forever. She loves her parents and values their opinions, of course, and she and I don't always see eye to eye. Yet no matter what the issue is, she still lets her family know that she's sticking by me. This is a big thing for guys. I know it sounds ridiculous, but men tend to see themselves as misunderstood lone wolves."-Alan, 30
5: She Wants Him to Be the Best Man He Can Be
Men don't secretly want their girlfriends to bark orders at them like a drill sergeant. It's more about helping him reach his potential by actively supporting his goals, even pushing him a teensy bit so he can succeed in whatever he does.
"Young guys tend to try to get away with as little as possible, and a lot of women let them, thinking that it would be out of line to challenge their man," says Harley. "But a man admires a woman who encourages him to shape up and toe the line ... as long as she has his best interests in mind and isn't trying to mold him."
This also means calling his bluff and not letting him get away with slacking off. "Even though it might seem like tough love at the time, she helps him achieve and accomplish things, and deep down he appreciates her for that," says Harley.
"Before we got engaged, the woman who is now my fiancé told me that she thought I was drinking too much, working too hard, and not taking care of myself. Ouch. But when I actually took in what she said, I knew that she was right and she was looking out for me. No other girlfriend had ever been so honest." —Ryan, 29
"I wasn't on speaking terms with my father for years, and when I told my girlfriend this and that I just didn't care about having a relationship with him anymore, she didn't nod sympathetically. She made me call him and work things out because she knew I'd eventually regret it if I didn't. She had the guts to disagree with me about something most women wouldn't want to get involved in." —Shawn, 31
You know how every season finale of your favorite TV show ends with a million unanswered questions and you can't freaking wait for the next one? Well, a girl can give her guy that same thrilling mix of exhilaration and anticipation by surprising him.
"She does this by being spontaneous and a little unpredictable, taking on new interests all the time, and revealing different facets of herself," explains Alon Gratch, Ph.D., author of If Love Could Think. By never letting life get static, this woman busts the myth that being married means feeling humdrum. "She makes being with her an adventure, as if there's always a new idea or activity just around the bend," says Gratch.
"With most of my girlfriends, I feared that we'd run out of things to talk about if we spent too much time together. But when I met my fiancée, Gwen, I kept discovering new layers to her. One day she came home from work with a stack of cookbooks; the next week she told me stories about how she loved designing outfits in high school. She's full of small surprises." —Brett, 29
"I dated a lot of girls who liked pushing boundaries, but it all seemed a little forced. My wife's sense of adventure, however, comes from within. She's naturally driven to challenge herself by trying new things. That's the kind of girl you want to marry. If you aren't continually fascinated by each other, it won't last." —Rob, 38
"The thing that makes my fiancée so captivating: She takes risks. I don't mean she bungee jumps off bridges. It's more that when a new opportunity comes along — a different facet to her job or the chance to meet new people at an event or party — she grabs it and proceeds. Her boldness makes her enchanting." —Bob, 27
2: She Really, Really Loves Sex
No big shocker here — a chick who enjoys twisting the sheets will always have a hopping social life. But when a woman makes the effort to have really connected sex that involves both body and mind, she goes from great girlfriend to marriage material in his view.
"Men crave sex that's erotic, but they also want sex that makes them feel deeply bonded," says Gratch. In other words, it's not all about wowing a guy with pretzel-like positions; a big part of having amazing booty is paying close attention to his mind-set and moods during the deed so sex reaches a higher, almost spiritual level.
Another thing that makes them think of the M word: when a woman is actively committed to keeping the passion on high boil. "A guy's biggest fear is that the great sex that made him think you were The One will fall by the wayside," explains Douglas Weiss, Ph.D., author of The 7 Love Agreements: Decisions You Can Make on Your Own to Strengthen Your Marriage. "A woman who puts effort into maintaining that sizzle is a dream come true."
"To make sure that the awesome sex we had when we first met didn't lose its passion, my wife came up with this idea for regular ‘sex bets.' For example, she'd bet me that I couldn't make her climax several times in a row, or I'd challenge her to initiate action in a semipublic spot. We have never fallen into a rut, and our competition keeps us feeling connected." —Jamie, 30
"My fiancée did this terrific thing when we first started having sex: After we were finished, she'd tell me how good I made her feel, that she really liked how I felt against her skin. It made me want to tell her what I liked too. Guys aren't supposed to admit it, but opening up about how sex affects us emotionally actually enhances the physical side of things." —Paul, 28
"My fiancée was up-front from the start about her desire for an extremely satisfying sex life; she never had any hang-ups about taking charge in bed or proposing out-there activities that a lot of women would be afraid to admit they were curious about. I could tell I wasn't getting ensnared in the classic bait-and-switch marriage that so many guys fall into — you know, when the action slows to a halt a year after you become husband and wife." —Russ, 34
3: She Makes It Clear He's Not Her Entire Life
It's flattering to a guy to realize that his girl thinks the world of him, but it's less appealing when he gets the impression that he is her world. That's why a girlfriend who retains her independence and sense of self, even as the relationship takes a serious turn, has definite wife appeal.
"A woman who depends on a man for her sense of fulfillment is a scary thing for a guy," says Gratch. "Men don't want to feel smothered or totally responsible for their partner's day-to-day happiness." The guy ideal: a chick who views coupledom as a solid partnership in which both she and her man still have separate identities.
"Before we were married, Jess would go out with her group of friends a lot, which I later became a part of. But she didn't put all of her focus on me. She made it clear that she was there to hang out with them. I really liked the fact that she wasn't the type of girl who ditches her girlfriends when she meets a guy. It made me confident that she'd always have her own life outside our relationship." —Sam, 33
"She definitely makes time for me so we can do things as boyfriend and girlfriend, but my fiancée also keeps up her own life. She has a weekly dinner with college friends, an art class every Thursday night, plus the responsibilities of her job as a journalist. I like that she doesn't check with me first to see what I want to do and she doesn't offer to bail out of an event or night out with pals in favor of always being with me." —Charles, 35
4: ...Yet She Still Conveys How Very Important He Is to Her
Okay, so men dig independent chicks. But there's a fine line between being independent and acting aloof and detached. Guys settle down with a woman who regularly reveals her tender side and shows him that no matter what happens, she's got his back.
"Men view life as a struggle or war that they're fighting, and they want someone who'll be on their side at all times, through thick and thin," says Gratch. "This doesn't mean that a woman should mother him or assist him with every little detail of his life; it's more about consistently doing small, nurturing things that let him know you really care."
A couple of examples: Bringing him a treat when he tells you he isn't feeling well or complimenting his brilliance after he finishes a stressful work project. "These gestures are tiny, but they reassure a man that his girl is solidly on his team," says Gratch.
"When we first started becoming a serious couple, my fiancé accepted a new job that required a lot of travel and attention. Still, even from hotels across the country, she took the time to call and check in on how my day was going and e-mail me little messages. She even stocked my refrigerator with beer and sandwiches before she'd leave on another trip. Her concern and thoughtfulness helped push our relationship to a higher level." —David, 28
"Every so often, my in-laws and I will get into an argument. But from the very first one, my wife has always respectfully defended me, and this made me want to be with her forever. She loves her parents and values their opinions, of course, and she and I don't always see eye to eye. Yet no matter what the issue is, she still lets her family know that she's sticking by me. This is a big thing for guys. I know it sounds ridiculous, but men tend to see themselves as misunderstood lone wolves."-Alan, 30
5: She Wants Him to Be the Best Man He Can Be
Men don't secretly want their girlfriends to bark orders at them like a drill sergeant. It's more about helping him reach his potential by actively supporting his goals, even pushing him a teensy bit so he can succeed in whatever he does.
"Young guys tend to try to get away with as little as possible, and a lot of women let them, thinking that it would be out of line to challenge their man," says Harley. "But a man admires a woman who encourages him to shape up and toe the line ... as long as she has his best interests in mind and isn't trying to mold him."
This also means calling his bluff and not letting him get away with slacking off. "Even though it might seem like tough love at the time, she helps him achieve and accomplish things, and deep down he appreciates her for that," says Harley.
"Before we got engaged, the woman who is now my fiancé told me that she thought I was drinking too much, working too hard, and not taking care of myself. Ouch. But when I actually took in what she said, I knew that she was right and she was looking out for me. No other girlfriend had ever been so honest." —Ryan, 29
"I wasn't on speaking terms with my father for years, and when I told my girlfriend this and that I just didn't care about having a relationship with him anymore, she didn't nod sympathetically. She made me call him and work things out because she knew I'd eventually regret it if I didn't. She had the guts to disagree with me about something most women wouldn't want to get involved in." —Shawn, 31
Marriage
A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
FORGIVENESS
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go their way.
Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another. You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk. It's your move.
It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.
Forgiveness does not always lead to a healed relationship. Some people are not capable of love, and it might be wise to let them go along with your anger. Wish them well, and let them go their way.
Forgiveness is the healing of wounds caused by another. You choose to let go of a past wrong and no longer be hurt by it. Forgiveness is a strong move to make, like turning your shoulders sideways to walk quickly on a crowded sidewalk. It's your move.
It really doesn't matter if the person who hurt you deserves to be forgiven. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You have things to do and you want to move on.
10 Essential Elements to a Good Party
1. Personalize your party
It is really important to put your own spin on your party. Add something to make it uniquely yours. Are you a greenie? Make your party eco-friendly by using sustainable products. Are you a music nut? Showcase your favorite artists or tunes by making different mixes and give copies as favors. Like cooking? Send guests home with a small potted herb along with a recipe using it. You get the picture.
2. Do something a little different
Go out on a limb and try something new instead of the same tired old cocktail party. Throw a new spin on your annual party and your friends will talk about it until next year. Need some ideas? Look at our party profiles to get some inspiration. How about a wine around the world party or a "Best Chef" competition where everyone makes their favorite dish?
3. Go get help!
One sure party killer is a frantic hostess. Give yourself plenty of time to prepare and once the party starts, try to relax and enjoy the party. If you don't hire help, ask several reliable friends to help with essentials like ice, pouring drinks, and clearing dishes.
4. The invitation is information
In addition to letting your guests know when and where, your invitation should also give guests an idea of what will happen at the party and how they should dress, especially if the party is outside or if special clothing or costumes are required. Email invitations are fine, but a personal note, printed invitation, or phone call is still the best way to invite guests. Include a phone number for regrets or request an RSVP if you need an exact head count for food, beverages, favors, etc.
5. More, more, more
Invite more people than you want to attend. Typically three guests in twenty are no-shows. Have a diverse mix of people and always invite new people to keep things interesting. If you're inviting a group of people who have never met one another, it is essential to greet your guests at the door to make introductions. Have drinks or a bar close by to let people have a chance to settle in and feel comfortable as the festivities get underway.
6. Start and stop
Set an exact start and end time for your party to insure your guests don't straggle in or stay too late. Guests typically show up 30 minutes or more after your stated start time because nobody wants to be the first to arrive. Ask a few good friends to arrive early to help kick things off. Ask someone to corral those last remaining die-hard party guests and get them out the door when you're ready to call it a night.
7. Turn down the lights
If your budget doesn't allow for a lot of decorations, simply dim the lights and light candles. Replace some of the light bulbs in your lamps with soft pink bulbs which give the same effect as candlelight. You can get them at any home improvement chain store. Fresh flowers can be expensive but are totally worth it. Use whatever your florist has that is plentiful, fresh, and cheap. Use a variety of vases (short, tall, round, square- whatever you have) and use only one type or one color of flower. Cluster them in groups or use them individually. A bowl or vase of limes (or other fruit) makes a striking centerpiece and by using what you have on hand, it makes decorating easy, too. A large grouping of the same item looks modern and stylish. If you develop a good relationship with your local florist, you may be able to get a deal on gently used flowers that you can repurpose for your party like we did for our Mardi Gras party.
8. The music matters
Music plays a big role in the overall mood and ambience. Start with a mix of low-key tunes, increasing the volume and the beat as the night goes on and noise levels intensify. Give guests time to mix, mingle, and talk, then increase the tempo as the party progresses. Make playlists of your favorites that will play continuously for hours. If you have the budget and space for great live music or a quality DJ, hire them. They will take your party to the next level and take the worry of entertaining your guests off your list.
9. Good and plenty
Most people don't come to a party specifically for the food, but if the food is bad, or there isn't enough of it, there will be complaints. Make sure to plan for more ice, drinks, food, and utensils than you think you need. Some caterers recommend padding your order by ten percent. Many will automatically add ten percent because they look bad if you underestimate your guest list and run out of food. I am very cautious about having enough food so I always prepare or order up to twenty percent more than I think I will need and replenish dishes frequently to keep them fresh. If I have food left over, I send helpful friends home with a care package. For large events, take leftover food that has been properly stored to a local shelter.
10. The entertainment
It is always a good idea to play games or have activities planned to keep people engaged Do something simple that doesn't require a lot of explanation. For example, give each guest a printed card when they arrive with ten easy questions about other guests. They must go around the room and interact with one another to get the answers. Give prizes for the first three to complete their cards. There are lots of ways to entertain your guests depending on the theme or type of party you are having. Everything from contests and card games to karaoke and Wii can get people involved and interacting.
It is really important to put your own spin on your party. Add something to make it uniquely yours. Are you a greenie? Make your party eco-friendly by using sustainable products. Are you a music nut? Showcase your favorite artists or tunes by making different mixes and give copies as favors. Like cooking? Send guests home with a small potted herb along with a recipe using it. You get the picture.
2. Do something a little different
Go out on a limb and try something new instead of the same tired old cocktail party. Throw a new spin on your annual party and your friends will talk about it until next year. Need some ideas? Look at our party profiles to get some inspiration. How about a wine around the world party or a "Best Chef" competition where everyone makes their favorite dish?
3. Go get help!
One sure party killer is a frantic hostess. Give yourself plenty of time to prepare and once the party starts, try to relax and enjoy the party. If you don't hire help, ask several reliable friends to help with essentials like ice, pouring drinks, and clearing dishes.
4. The invitation is information
In addition to letting your guests know when and where, your invitation should also give guests an idea of what will happen at the party and how they should dress, especially if the party is outside or if special clothing or costumes are required. Email invitations are fine, but a personal note, printed invitation, or phone call is still the best way to invite guests. Include a phone number for regrets or request an RSVP if you need an exact head count for food, beverages, favors, etc.
5. More, more, more
Invite more people than you want to attend. Typically three guests in twenty are no-shows. Have a diverse mix of people and always invite new people to keep things interesting. If you're inviting a group of people who have never met one another, it is essential to greet your guests at the door to make introductions. Have drinks or a bar close by to let people have a chance to settle in and feel comfortable as the festivities get underway.
6. Start and stop
Set an exact start and end time for your party to insure your guests don't straggle in or stay too late. Guests typically show up 30 minutes or more after your stated start time because nobody wants to be the first to arrive. Ask a few good friends to arrive early to help kick things off. Ask someone to corral those last remaining die-hard party guests and get them out the door when you're ready to call it a night.
7. Turn down the lights
If your budget doesn't allow for a lot of decorations, simply dim the lights and light candles. Replace some of the light bulbs in your lamps with soft pink bulbs which give the same effect as candlelight. You can get them at any home improvement chain store. Fresh flowers can be expensive but are totally worth it. Use whatever your florist has that is plentiful, fresh, and cheap. Use a variety of vases (short, tall, round, square- whatever you have) and use only one type or one color of flower. Cluster them in groups or use them individually. A bowl or vase of limes (or other fruit) makes a striking centerpiece and by using what you have on hand, it makes decorating easy, too. A large grouping of the same item looks modern and stylish. If you develop a good relationship with your local florist, you may be able to get a deal on gently used flowers that you can repurpose for your party like we did for our Mardi Gras party.
8. The music matters
Music plays a big role in the overall mood and ambience. Start with a mix of low-key tunes, increasing the volume and the beat as the night goes on and noise levels intensify. Give guests time to mix, mingle, and talk, then increase the tempo as the party progresses. Make playlists of your favorites that will play continuously for hours. If you have the budget and space for great live music or a quality DJ, hire them. They will take your party to the next level and take the worry of entertaining your guests off your list.
9. Good and plenty
Most people don't come to a party specifically for the food, but if the food is bad, or there isn't enough of it, there will be complaints. Make sure to plan for more ice, drinks, food, and utensils than you think you need. Some caterers recommend padding your order by ten percent. Many will automatically add ten percent because they look bad if you underestimate your guest list and run out of food. I am very cautious about having enough food so I always prepare or order up to twenty percent more than I think I will need and replenish dishes frequently to keep them fresh. If I have food left over, I send helpful friends home with a care package. For large events, take leftover food that has been properly stored to a local shelter.
10. The entertainment
It is always a good idea to play games or have activities planned to keep people engaged Do something simple that doesn't require a lot of explanation. For example, give each guest a printed card when they arrive with ten easy questions about other guests. They must go around the room and interact with one another to get the answers. Give prizes for the first three to complete their cards. There are lots of ways to entertain your guests depending on the theme or type of party you are having. Everything from contests and card games to karaoke and Wii can get people involved and interacting.
anger
Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
If you would cure anger, do not feed it. Say to yourself: 'I used to be angry every day; then every other day; now only every third or fourth day.' When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods
Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life
Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret
If you would cure anger, do not feed it. Say to yourself: 'I used to be angry every day; then every other day; now only every third or fourth day.' When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods
Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life
Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret
Attitude
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.
A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.
A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug.
The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitudes of mind.
Beauty
Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.
Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.
Develop interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself.
Children
Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home.
If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.
Facing a mirror you see merely your own countenance; facing your child you finally understand how everyone else has seen you.
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things.
If you can give your son or daughter only one gift, let it be enthusiasm.
Facing a mirror you see merely your own countenance; facing your child you finally understand how everyone else has seen you.
The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant--and let the air out of the tires.
Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things.
Etiquette
That's the secret of entertaining. You make your guests feel welcome and at home. If you do that honestly, the rest takes care of itself.
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
To have respect for ourselves guides our morals; and to have a deference for others governs our manners.
Don't reserve your best behavior for special occasions. You can't have two sets of manners, two social codes - one for those you admire and want to impress, another for those whom you consider unimportant. You must be the same to all people.
Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve. Run around with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.
Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.
One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.
To have respect for ourselves guides our morals; and to have a deference for others governs our manners.
Don't reserve your best behavior for special occasions. You can't have two sets of manners, two social codes - one for those you admire and want to impress, another for those whom you consider unimportant. You must be the same to all people.
Associate with well-mannered persons and your manners will improve. Run around with decent folk and your own decent instincts will be strengthened.
Politeness and consideration for others is like investing pennies and getting dollars back.
Joy
The pleasantest things in the world are pleasant thoughts: and the great art of life is to have as many of them as possible.
Hope
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Smile
“Smile at each other,
smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other -- it doesn't matter who it is -- and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.”
smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other -- it doesn't matter who it is -- and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.”
Insights
"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."
Helen Keller
"Fear is something to be moved through, not something to be turned from."
Peter McWilliams
"Act as if it were impossible to fail."
Dorothea Brande
"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone."
Sam Levenson
"If you're respectful by habit, constantly honoring the worthy, four things increase: long life, beauty, happiness, strength."
Buddha
"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
Albert Einstein
"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change."
Buddha
"Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path... exactly where you are meant to be right now... And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love."
Caroline Adams
"Take care, don't fight, and remember: if you do not choose to lead, you will forever be led by others. Find what scares you, and do it. And you can make a difference, if you choose to do so."
J. Michael Straczynski
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."
Corita Kent
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."
Confucius
"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible." Arthur C. Clarke
"One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure."
William Feather
"Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will."
Jawaharal Nehru
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss
“To dream anything that you want to dream. That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed.”
Bernard Edmonds
Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
Ashley Smith
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.
William Arthur Ward
If you would create something,
you must be something.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Every artist was first an amateur.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.
George S. Patton
If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra
We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day.
Thornton Wilder
The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.
Arthur C. Clarke
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,
is not an act but a habit.
Aristotle
Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need.
Voltaire
Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action.
Benjamin Disraeli
You cannot plough a field by
turning it over in your mind.
Author Unknown
The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost
Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
William B. Sprague
Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.
Samuel Johnson
Fortune favors the brave.
Publius Terence
He who hesitates is lost.
Proverb
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Albert Einstein
Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Willing is not enough; we must do.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We are still masters of our fate.
We are still captains of our souls.
Winston Churchill
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Helen Keller
"Fear is something to be moved through, not something to be turned from."
Peter McWilliams
"Act as if it were impossible to fail."
Dorothea Brande
"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone."
Sam Levenson
"If you're respectful by habit, constantly honoring the worthy, four things increase: long life, beauty, happiness, strength."
Buddha
"A human being is part of a whole, called by us the Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
Albert Einstein
"If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change."
Buddha
"Your life is a sacred journey. And it is about change, growth, discovery, movement, transformation, continuously expanding your vision of what is possible, stretching your soul, learning to see clearly and deeply, listening to your intuition, taking courageous challenges at every step along the way. You are on the path... exactly where you are meant to be right now... And from here, you can only go forward, shaping your life story into a magnificent tale of triumph, of healing of courage, of beauty, of wisdom, of power, of dignity, and of love."
Caroline Adams
"Take care, don't fight, and remember: if you do not choose to lead, you will forever be led by others. Find what scares you, and do it. And you can make a difference, if you choose to do so."
J. Michael Straczynski
"Love the moment. Flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."
Corita Kent
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."
Confucius
"The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible." Arthur C. Clarke
"One way to get the most out of life is to look upon it as an adventure."
William Feather
"Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will."
Jawaharal Nehru
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
Dr. Seuss
“To dream anything that you want to dream. That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed.”
Bernard Edmonds
Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”
Ashley Smith
If you can imagine it, you can achieve it; if you can dream it, you can become it.
William Arthur Ward
If you would create something,
you must be something.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Every artist was first an amateur.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash.
George S. Patton
If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes.
St. Clement of Alexandra
We are all inventors, each sailing out on a voyage of discovery, guided each by a private chart, of which there is no duplicate. The world is all gates, all opportunities.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Seek the lofty by reading, hearing and seeing great work at some moment every day.
Thornton Wilder
The only way of finding the limits of the possible is by going beyond them into the impossible.
Arthur C. Clarke
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore,
is not an act but a habit.
Aristotle
Work spares us from three evils: boredom, vice, and need.
Voltaire
Experience is the child of thought, and thought is the child of action.
Benjamin Disraeli
You cannot plough a field by
turning it over in your mind.
Author Unknown
The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost
Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
William B. Sprague
Nothing will ever be attempted if all possible objections must first be overcome.
Samuel Johnson
Fortune favors the brave.
Publius Terence
He who hesitates is lost.
Proverb
Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall.
Confucius
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.
Albert Einstein
Knowing is not enough; we must apply.
Willing is not enough; we must do.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
We are still masters of our fate.
We are still captains of our souls.
Winston Churchill
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Kindness
A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done.
We will be judged by 'I was hungry and you gave me to eat, I was naked and you clothed me, I was homeless and you took me in.'
Hungry not only for bread -- but hungry for love. Naked not only for clothing -- but naked for human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks -- but homeless because of rejection.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.
If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.
Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.
The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.
What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.
Give the world the best you have and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
At the end of life we will not be judged by how many diplomas we have received, how much money we have made, how many great things we have done.
We will be judged by 'I was hungry and you gave me to eat, I was naked and you clothed me, I was homeless and you took me in.'
Hungry not only for bread -- but hungry for love. Naked not only for clothing -- but naked for human dignity and respect. Homeless not only for want of a room of bricks -- but homeless because of rejection.
Courage
“It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult.”
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?'
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?'
Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; its in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.
Perseverance
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.
Dont quit
When things go wrong as they sometimes will;When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;When the funds are low, and the debts are highAnd you want to smile, but have to sigh;When care is pressing you down a bit-Rest if you must, but do not quit.Success is failure turned inside out;The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;And you can never tell how close you areIt may be near when it seems so far;So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
dare
Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure...than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy much nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
It is not the critic who counts;not the man who points out how the strong man stumbledor where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;who strives valiantly;who errs and comes short again and again;who knows great enthusiasms,the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while DARING GREATLYso that his place shall never bewith those timid soulswho know neither victory or defeat.
It is not the critic who counts;not the man who points out how the strong man stumbledor where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;who strives valiantly;who errs and comes short again and again;who knows great enthusiasms,the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while DARING GREATLYso that his place shall never bewith those timid soulswho know neither victory or defeat.
Time
The best inheritance a parent can give to his children is a few minutes of their time each day.
dreams
"We grow great by dreams. All big men are dreamers. They see things in the soft haze of a spring day or in the red fire of a long winter's evening. Some of us let these great dreams die, but others nourish and protect them; nurse them through bad days till they bring them to the sunshine and light which comes always to those who sincerely hope that their dreams will come true."
"There will always be dreams grander or humbler than your own, but there will never be a dream exactly like your own... for you are unique and more wondrous than you know!"
"There will always be dreams grander or humbler than your own, but there will never be a dream exactly like your own... for you are unique and more wondrous than you know!"
Dream
Only as high as I reach can I grow,Only as far as I seek can I go,Only as deep as I look can I see,Only as much as I dream can I be.
Choice
All men and women are born, live suffer and die; what distinguishes us one from another is our dreams, whether they be dreams about worldly or unworldly things, and what we do to make them come about... We do not choose to be born. We do not choose our parents. We do not choose our historical epoch, the country of our birth, or the immediate circumstances of our upbringing. We do not, most of us, choose to die; nor do we choose the time and conditions of our death. But within this realm of choicelessness, we do choose how we live.
Ambition
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."
Life
Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.Life is beauty, admire it.Life is bliss, taste it.Life is a dream, realize it.Life is a challenge, meet it.Life is a duty, complete it.Life is a game, play it.Life is a promise, fulfill it.Life is sorrow, overcome it.Life is a song, sing it.Life is a struggle, accept it.Life is a tragedy, confront it.Life is an adventure, dare it.Life is luck, make it.Life is too precious, do not destroy it.Life is life, fight for it.
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