Showing posts with label family life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family life. Show all posts
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Tuesday, November 05, 2013
Nov 4, 2013
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Ten Mistakes Parents Make with Teens
1. Lecture Rather Than Discuss
We want our teens to grow into responsible adults able to make decisions. Why then do we fall back on the old lecture when we should be using any problem area as an opportunity to teach a child the process of making a good decision? Treating them like little children rather than budding adults simply alienates teens. This is not to say they no longer need guidance, it just has to be handled in a more adult manner, with discussion, negotiation, and understanding of the conflicting needs of maturing teens. They need the safety of the home and knowledge that the parents are there, but not suffocating control of an overprotective despot.
2. Ignore the Obvious
Our teens are suddenly sleeping late, missing classes, missing curfew, not introducing new friends, and we write it off as "normal teen behavior." We often wait until the situation is urgent, burying our heads in the sand to avoid confrontation and more displays of our teen's belligerent, hostile attitude. Overreacting or underreacting...
3. Not Following Through on Rules and Consequences
"You are grounded!" "That's it; no allowance this week!" Most parents have no problem creating punishments for breaking the rules. It's what happens a few days or so later that creates the cycle of defiance: your teen drives you nuts until you back down on the consequence. If you set rules, it is important to make clear in advance the consequences for breaking that rule. If that rule is broken, if you do not enforce the consequences you set, your teen has just learned that getting away with breaking the rules is really a piece of cake.
4. Setting Unreasonable Goals
Make sure that when you set goals, they are attainable. If your child has a learning disability, yelling at them for not doing well on a math test probably will not help them do better next time. Set expectations that allow the child to succeed based on his or her abilities. If your child needs academic help, find out about local tutoring and after-schools programs. If you want your child to be a concert pianist and they simply can't get to the next level, find out if there is something else they might have a natural ability to do well in.
5. Pointing Out Only the Negative, Expecting Only the Positive
Do you just expect good behavior, good grades, and, well, utter goodness, with little encouragement or praises, yet quickly jump on every mistake or example of poor judgment like a pit bull? Some parents believe a job well done is its own reward. While this is true, there is nothing that encourages a child more than the positive feedback of a parent. This is not to say you should jump up and down with joy just because your child didn't skip class this week. If you set consequences for bad behavior, the reward is getting to do the things they normally enjoy. Think of it this way: When you show up at your job every day your boss doesn't praise you for being there; he pays you your wages as he or she normally would.
6. Leaving the Educating up to "Someone Else"
Assuming your child will learn about the dangers of drugs, alcohol, and other risky behaviors at school or elsewhere is a risky assumption at best. Studies have show kids whose parents talk to them about high-risk behaviors and who set clear guidelines about the consequences for engaging in these behaviors are less likely to smoke, drink, use drugs, or have sex.
7. Giving Up on Family Time - Too Much of a Hassle
Family time is essential. Setting time aside every day for the family to eat together and talk is one of the best defenses against negative peer influences on your teens. Make time for your children on a daily basis to keep communication open. Parents who spend time with their children will be more aware of changes in their demeanor and behavior. Parents who do not spend time with their children often take longer to notice changes in their teens that could signify behavioral or emotional issues.
8. Assume Good Grades Mean No Other Problems
A smart kid who does well in school may be able to maintain good grades even though they are drinking or using drugs. In fact, they may know that by maintaining their grades they will avoid your suspicion. Don't write off other signs of trouble just because the grades are not slipping.
9. Not Taking the Time to Know What's Up with Adolescents Today
We were all teens once. But teens are different every generation. They have different music and other cultural influences. The teen icons of the 70s and 80s were very different than the icons of today. Media influences are much stronger today as well. Not only are teens exposed to more outside influences on TV, they are also exposed to the Internet where there really are no rules of engagement. Anyone can put up a website. For example, there are websites by anorexic girls that teach other girls how to hide their disorder. It is a good idea to know the Internet and other cultural influences that may impact your child and impact their decision making. One of the best ways to keep a close eye on these influences is to put computers in common areas, making it more difficult for teens to secretly visit sites that might negatively influence their choices or even put them in danger.
10. Giving Up Too Soon: Forgetting the "Three Times" Rule
Most teens who have already figured out creative ways to get what they want will not "buckle down" after one attempt to change their behavior, especially if you have backed down on consequences consistently for a period of time. Face it: your teen is going to test your resolve. They are going to test it once, twice, and again. Some teens will look for that crack in the armor to appear and test every time they see it. Teens are smart. They know if you are tired and frustrated, and they often have an uncanny ability to test you just when you are least likely to have the energy to resist. Don't give up. Be consistent. Stay vigilant. This might sound alarmist, but as a parent, your primary job is to raise your children to be independent adults. If you relinquish this full-time responsibility, someone else will teach them the ropes, and that someone may not have their best interests in mind.
We want our teens to grow into responsible adults able to make decisions. Why then do we fall back on the old lecture when we should be using any problem area as an opportunity to teach a child the process of making a good decision? Treating them like little children rather than budding adults simply alienates teens. This is not to say they no longer need guidance, it just has to be handled in a more adult manner, with discussion, negotiation, and understanding of the conflicting needs of maturing teens. They need the safety of the home and knowledge that the parents are there, but not suffocating control of an overprotective despot.
2. Ignore the Obvious
Our teens are suddenly sleeping late, missing classes, missing curfew, not introducing new friends, and we write it off as "normal teen behavior." We often wait until the situation is urgent, burying our heads in the sand to avoid confrontation and more displays of our teen's belligerent, hostile attitude. Overreacting or underreacting...
3. Not Following Through on Rules and Consequences
"You are grounded!" "That's it; no allowance this week!" Most parents have no problem creating punishments for breaking the rules. It's what happens a few days or so later that creates the cycle of defiance: your teen drives you nuts until you back down on the consequence. If you set rules, it is important to make clear in advance the consequences for breaking that rule. If that rule is broken, if you do not enforce the consequences you set, your teen has just learned that getting away with breaking the rules is really a piece of cake.
4. Setting Unreasonable Goals
Make sure that when you set goals, they are attainable. If your child has a learning disability, yelling at them for not doing well on a math test probably will not help them do better next time. Set expectations that allow the child to succeed based on his or her abilities. If your child needs academic help, find out about local tutoring and after-schools programs. If you want your child to be a concert pianist and they simply can't get to the next level, find out if there is something else they might have a natural ability to do well in.
5. Pointing Out Only the Negative, Expecting Only the Positive
Do you just expect good behavior, good grades, and, well, utter goodness, with little encouragement or praises, yet quickly jump on every mistake or example of poor judgment like a pit bull? Some parents believe a job well done is its own reward. While this is true, there is nothing that encourages a child more than the positive feedback of a parent. This is not to say you should jump up and down with joy just because your child didn't skip class this week. If you set consequences for bad behavior, the reward is getting to do the things they normally enjoy. Think of it this way: When you show up at your job every day your boss doesn't praise you for being there; he pays you your wages as he or she normally would.
6. Leaving the Educating up to "Someone Else"
Assuming your child will learn about the dangers of drugs, alcohol, and other risky behaviors at school or elsewhere is a risky assumption at best. Studies have show kids whose parents talk to them about high-risk behaviors and who set clear guidelines about the consequences for engaging in these behaviors are less likely to smoke, drink, use drugs, or have sex.
7. Giving Up on Family Time - Too Much of a Hassle
Family time is essential. Setting time aside every day for the family to eat together and talk is one of the best defenses against negative peer influences on your teens. Make time for your children on a daily basis to keep communication open. Parents who spend time with their children will be more aware of changes in their demeanor and behavior. Parents who do not spend time with their children often take longer to notice changes in their teens that could signify behavioral or emotional issues.
8. Assume Good Grades Mean No Other Problems
A smart kid who does well in school may be able to maintain good grades even though they are drinking or using drugs. In fact, they may know that by maintaining their grades they will avoid your suspicion. Don't write off other signs of trouble just because the grades are not slipping.
9. Not Taking the Time to Know What's Up with Adolescents Today
We were all teens once. But teens are different every generation. They have different music and other cultural influences. The teen icons of the 70s and 80s were very different than the icons of today. Media influences are much stronger today as well. Not only are teens exposed to more outside influences on TV, they are also exposed to the Internet where there really are no rules of engagement. Anyone can put up a website. For example, there are websites by anorexic girls that teach other girls how to hide their disorder. It is a good idea to know the Internet and other cultural influences that may impact your child and impact their decision making. One of the best ways to keep a close eye on these influences is to put computers in common areas, making it more difficult for teens to secretly visit sites that might negatively influence their choices or even put them in danger.
10. Giving Up Too Soon: Forgetting the "Three Times" Rule
Most teens who have already figured out creative ways to get what they want will not "buckle down" after one attempt to change their behavior, especially if you have backed down on consequences consistently for a period of time. Face it: your teen is going to test your resolve. They are going to test it once, twice, and again. Some teens will look for that crack in the armor to appear and test every time they see it. Teens are smart. They know if you are tired and frustrated, and they often have an uncanny ability to test you just when you are least likely to have the energy to resist. Don't give up. Be consistent. Stay vigilant. This might sound alarmist, but as a parent, your primary job is to raise your children to be independent adults. If you relinquish this full-time responsibility, someone else will teach them the ropes, and that someone may not have their best interests in mind.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Thursday, April 09, 2009
11 Best Things Parents Go Through
Childbirth
Okay, maybe "pleasure" is the wrong word to describe childbirth; labor and delivery are scary, even if mom opts for the epidural and dad stays in the waiting room. But going through what seems a geometric improbability—fit large oblong object through very, very, very narrow space—endows you with a newfound respect for human life. It is, indeed, a miracle. After all, the female body accomplishes what even the best business minds rarely can: conceive of and launch a new product in just nine months. No R&D budget, PowerPoint presentation or marketing plan required.
First Time Out of the House
Having swaddled your baby like a sausage, covered her soft spot with two pink-and-blue hospital caps, strapped her into the portable "bucket," belted the bucket onto a stroller, looked both ways five times before crossing the street, and walking 1 mph around the neighborhood in 72-degree weather, you return home knowing that you and your child survived the great outdoors without breaking or catching pneumonia. This may seem like a minor achievement, but after this journey your confidence soars. From this point on, anything is possible!
Potty Training
Yes! It's amazing how excited you can get over poop and pee. Fear that your child will graduate from size 6 Cruisers to Depends, instead of underpants, no longer keeps you up at night. In addition to the sense of newfound independence you both feel, there's nothing quite like watching your 3-year-old sit on the toilet as you secretly calculate the money you'll save not buying diapers. Compounded over 15 years, it could pay for his freshman year at college.
Family Meals
As a parent, you rediscover the four main food groups and learn to cook instead of dial for dinner. Better yet, you actually sit down to eat and talk with your family. You'll find out what your kids learned at school. You'll hear their views on current events. Maybe you'll just laugh together. Not every meal will be so satisfying, but sharing mealtime with your family has a way of putting life into perspective, one day at a time.
Playtime
Parenthood is like a time machine. From Candyland to hide-and-seek, patty-cake to reading The Cat in the Hat, playing with your kids awakens memories and senses long forgotten. Every time you build with Legos, dress-up like a princess, re-read Ping, or watch The Wizard of Oz, you'll rediscover a kind of creative, imaginary fun that adulthood rarely accommodates. It can be difficult to exit work time and enter playtime—and trying to forget about office deadlines and pressures—but once you free your mind, you'll live in and enjoy the moment.
Hugs and Kisses
A peck on the cheek at bedtime. A full-body squeeze before you head out to work. Hugs and kisses from your kids are shots of adrenaline, caffeine, and sugar all at once. Shows of affection may get fewer and farther between as children grow older, but each one of them is a natural high.
Seeing Yourself in Your Child
Your daughter inherits your sense of humor and your spouse's corkscrew curls. Even better, she does not inherit your inability to add fractions or your husband's dance moves. Observing the physical and personality traits that manifest themselves in your children—and those that, thankfully, do not—is one of the most gratifying parts of watching your children evolve.
Discovering New Hobbies
Kids introduce us to things we never thought we'd be remotely interested in. Before having my son, I was completely unfamiliar with construction equipment. Now, I can spot a Caterpillar backhoe loader from 500 feet away while driving 60 mph—and I get excited about it! If you hate sports, expect your son to be on the basketball team. If you're tone deaf, don't be surprised if your daughter plays the lead in the school musical. Inevitably they expand our world, making it a more interesting place.
Reliving First Love … and First Heartbreak
When your children fall in love for the first time, you'll briefly long for the giddy, adolescent feeling of the head-to-toe crush, followed by the fireworks of a first kiss—and all those other firsts. But then, you'll watch as they wait for a phone call, a second date, an invite to the prom that never comes. Your heart breaks for your son or daughter, but you're grateful that you never have to feel that particular brand of teenage pain again. First loves are best relived vicariously.
Graduation Days
Whether it's kindergarten, elementary school, high school, college, or beyond, the day your children formally pass from one educational level to another is thrilling, and almost as relieving as potty training. Your deepest fears that they "won't make it" are replaced by overwhelming excitement for their future and pride at the hard work you both put into past education, from their ABCs to their Ph.D.s.
Rediscovering Your Spouse
You think you know your significant other, but having a child casts your partner in a whole new light—not just as a spouse, a lover, or a friend, but as a mother or a father. You'll smile as your partner wrestles with your son, teaches your daughter to drive, or explains why we don't poke the cat. Watching my husband be a dad—patient and silly, gentle and engaged—makes me love him even more.
Okay, maybe "pleasure" is the wrong word to describe childbirth; labor and delivery are scary, even if mom opts for the epidural and dad stays in the waiting room. But going through what seems a geometric improbability—fit large oblong object through very, very, very narrow space—endows you with a newfound respect for human life. It is, indeed, a miracle. After all, the female body accomplishes what even the best business minds rarely can: conceive of and launch a new product in just nine months. No R&D budget, PowerPoint presentation or marketing plan required.
First Time Out of the House
Having swaddled your baby like a sausage, covered her soft spot with two pink-and-blue hospital caps, strapped her into the portable "bucket," belted the bucket onto a stroller, looked both ways five times before crossing the street, and walking 1 mph around the neighborhood in 72-degree weather, you return home knowing that you and your child survived the great outdoors without breaking or catching pneumonia. This may seem like a minor achievement, but after this journey your confidence soars. From this point on, anything is possible!
Potty Training
Yes! It's amazing how excited you can get over poop and pee. Fear that your child will graduate from size 6 Cruisers to Depends, instead of underpants, no longer keeps you up at night. In addition to the sense of newfound independence you both feel, there's nothing quite like watching your 3-year-old sit on the toilet as you secretly calculate the money you'll save not buying diapers. Compounded over 15 years, it could pay for his freshman year at college.
Family Meals
As a parent, you rediscover the four main food groups and learn to cook instead of dial for dinner. Better yet, you actually sit down to eat and talk with your family. You'll find out what your kids learned at school. You'll hear their views on current events. Maybe you'll just laugh together. Not every meal will be so satisfying, but sharing mealtime with your family has a way of putting life into perspective, one day at a time.
Playtime
Parenthood is like a time machine. From Candyland to hide-and-seek, patty-cake to reading The Cat in the Hat, playing with your kids awakens memories and senses long forgotten. Every time you build with Legos, dress-up like a princess, re-read Ping, or watch The Wizard of Oz, you'll rediscover a kind of creative, imaginary fun that adulthood rarely accommodates. It can be difficult to exit work time and enter playtime—and trying to forget about office deadlines and pressures—but once you free your mind, you'll live in and enjoy the moment.
Hugs and Kisses
A peck on the cheek at bedtime. A full-body squeeze before you head out to work. Hugs and kisses from your kids are shots of adrenaline, caffeine, and sugar all at once. Shows of affection may get fewer and farther between as children grow older, but each one of them is a natural high.
Seeing Yourself in Your Child
Your daughter inherits your sense of humor and your spouse's corkscrew curls. Even better, she does not inherit your inability to add fractions or your husband's dance moves. Observing the physical and personality traits that manifest themselves in your children—and those that, thankfully, do not—is one of the most gratifying parts of watching your children evolve.
Discovering New Hobbies
Kids introduce us to things we never thought we'd be remotely interested in. Before having my son, I was completely unfamiliar with construction equipment. Now, I can spot a Caterpillar backhoe loader from 500 feet away while driving 60 mph—and I get excited about it! If you hate sports, expect your son to be on the basketball team. If you're tone deaf, don't be surprised if your daughter plays the lead in the school musical. Inevitably they expand our world, making it a more interesting place.
Reliving First Love … and First Heartbreak
When your children fall in love for the first time, you'll briefly long for the giddy, adolescent feeling of the head-to-toe crush, followed by the fireworks of a first kiss—and all those other firsts. But then, you'll watch as they wait for a phone call, a second date, an invite to the prom that never comes. Your heart breaks for your son or daughter, but you're grateful that you never have to feel that particular brand of teenage pain again. First loves are best relived vicariously.
Graduation Days
Whether it's kindergarten, elementary school, high school, college, or beyond, the day your children formally pass from one educational level to another is thrilling, and almost as relieving as potty training. Your deepest fears that they "won't make it" are replaced by overwhelming excitement for their future and pride at the hard work you both put into past education, from their ABCs to their Ph.D.s.
Rediscovering Your Spouse
You think you know your significant other, but having a child casts your partner in a whole new light—not just as a spouse, a lover, or a friend, but as a mother or a father. You'll smile as your partner wrestles with your son, teaches your daughter to drive, or explains why we don't poke the cat. Watching my husband be a dad—patient and silly, gentle and engaged—makes me love him even more.
De-Stress Your Weeknights
Outsource what you can
* Tame that stress-inducing pile of schoolwork. Train kids to put permission slips, tests, etc. in folders marked for each child that you can review in the relative calm after dinner, says Donna Smallin, author of A to Z Storage Solutions. "To get kids to use their folders, put a love note or dollar inside now and then for the first few weeks," she adds.
* Find another set of hands. Having a helper to play with younger kids, fold laundry, or walk the dog is a godsend, says Diane Chapman of Briarcliff Manor, NY, who occasionally hires one from 4 to 7 p.m. Check your local middle school or church; expect to pay $5 to $12 per hour.
Change your mind-set
* Find your "sweater moment." Having a physical routine when you walk through the door — remember Mr. Rogers swapping his jacket for a comfy cardigan? — helps you and kids transition when they're most likely to be clamoring for attention and your nerves are frayed, says communications expert Laurie Puhn, author of Instant Persuasion. "Don't say, 'Mommy needs five minutes,' since kids often don't understand time," says Puhn. "But they do understand a physical action like changing your shirt. Say, 'Hi, guys — I can't wait to hear about your day. Stay here while I change my clothes; I'll be right back, and then we'll catch up.'"
* Laugh at the chaos. The next time you're driving to the music store at 7 p.m. because your son forgot to mention he was out of saxophone reeds until (when else?) the night before the band concert, remember this: "See the humor in your crazy nights," says motivational speaker Leslie Charles, author of Bless Your Stress. If you didn't have such an overflowing, full, and productive life, weeknights would be a lot calmer — but also a lot more boring.
Say yes to not cooking.
To avoid late (and cranky) dinnertimes, why don't you...
* Triple your recipes. I've never been able to spend weekends cooking and freezing dinners ahead of time. Instead, I cook every third night, tripling recipes (chili, lasagna, etc.). I freeze two portions, and then alternate what I serve. With frozen microwave veggies, we're good to go.
* Use the buddy system. Try the same trick, but extend it: Michele Borba, author of 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know, has friends who each make and freeze two casseroles every week and then trade dishes so everyone has a stocked, varied freezer.
* Pick up dinner at lunch. When I worked for a newspaper, I'd often grab a rotisserie chicken while at the deli for lunch and then stash it in the office fridge. No one ever said dinner had to be homemade.
* Tame that stress-inducing pile of schoolwork. Train kids to put permission slips, tests, etc. in folders marked for each child that you can review in the relative calm after dinner, says Donna Smallin, author of A to Z Storage Solutions. "To get kids to use their folders, put a love note or dollar inside now and then for the first few weeks," she adds.
* Find another set of hands. Having a helper to play with younger kids, fold laundry, or walk the dog is a godsend, says Diane Chapman of Briarcliff Manor, NY, who occasionally hires one from 4 to 7 p.m. Check your local middle school or church; expect to pay $5 to $12 per hour.
Change your mind-set
* Find your "sweater moment." Having a physical routine when you walk through the door — remember Mr. Rogers swapping his jacket for a comfy cardigan? — helps you and kids transition when they're most likely to be clamoring for attention and your nerves are frayed, says communications expert Laurie Puhn, author of Instant Persuasion. "Don't say, 'Mommy needs five minutes,' since kids often don't understand time," says Puhn. "But they do understand a physical action like changing your shirt. Say, 'Hi, guys — I can't wait to hear about your day. Stay here while I change my clothes; I'll be right back, and then we'll catch up.'"
* Laugh at the chaos. The next time you're driving to the music store at 7 p.m. because your son forgot to mention he was out of saxophone reeds until (when else?) the night before the band concert, remember this: "See the humor in your crazy nights," says motivational speaker Leslie Charles, author of Bless Your Stress. If you didn't have such an overflowing, full, and productive life, weeknights would be a lot calmer — but also a lot more boring.
Say yes to not cooking.
To avoid late (and cranky) dinnertimes, why don't you...
* Triple your recipes. I've never been able to spend weekends cooking and freezing dinners ahead of time. Instead, I cook every third night, tripling recipes (chili, lasagna, etc.). I freeze two portions, and then alternate what I serve. With frozen microwave veggies, we're good to go.
* Use the buddy system. Try the same trick, but extend it: Michele Borba, author of 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know, has friends who each make and freeze two casseroles every week and then trade dishes so everyone has a stocked, varied freezer.
* Pick up dinner at lunch. When I worked for a newspaper, I'd often grab a rotisserie chicken while at the deli for lunch and then stash it in the office fridge. No one ever said dinner had to be homemade.
Problems with In-Laws ?
Move Out
While living separately can change a lot of things, due to financial restrictions it is not always possible to move out of the parents home, at least, not at the drop of a hat. But they could always aim towards buying a house of their own. For every couple undergoing in-law problems, their first goal should be to find independent accommodation, so they can live in peace and bring up their children in a loving atmosphere.
Get A Job
If moving out is not possible for the time being, you, as a woman should change your mindset and try and become more proactive. Get a job. Speak to your friends, neighbours, anyone you know, to find out if anyone knows of any vacancies. Go for interviews and don't take it as a personal insult if you are not selected for the job. J.K. Rowling was rejected by more than 20 publishers before she finally got someone to publish Harry Potter. And now, she's a millionaire 20 times over!
If you are not career oriented and don't forsee yourself in a high-profile career, opt for an easygoing job that will get you out of the house by 9, and in by around 5:30. It will be a change of atmosphere for you. You will make new friends, interact with new people, and no matter how light your job, it will definitely contribute to your personality development. Getting out of the house, rushing to your office, mingling with colleages or customers, making your contribution to the workforce and the economy, getting your salary check at the end of the month, looking forward to weekends and hating Monday mornings, are all parts of the life of an office-goer, and have their own charm.
A job routines you. You're out of the house at a particular time, and you're back at a certain time. As a result, you bathe on time, breakfast on time, lunch on time etc. If you feel that you will not have enough time to do all the things you want to do when you're in a job, you'll be surprised at how you still manage to fit in everything!. True, you'll have to miss those kitty party mid-week lunches, but it's a small sacrifice for something that's so much more fulfilling in the long run. Before you know it, you'll be taking time out for other activities by waking up earlier in the mornings or spending less time in front of the television.
Don't take up a job at the other end of the town if you can avoid it, especially if you are a working mother and have no permanent help. Waking up early every morning to cook lunch for your family and then rushing out to catch the local train, returning home and cooking dinner - is not what I would call an ideal existence. Such an existence is a reality for many, due to the force of circumstance, but I have always believed that the human will is a far more powerful force, and can overcome the force of circumstance with perseverance. Don't be afraid of change.
Keep Your Distance
Continue to respect your mother in law - she is, after all, your husbands mother - but don't be submissive. Be cordial and polite, but keep your distance - physically and emotionally. Don't try and win her over, or it will only cause more hurt when you are faced with ingratitude.
Don't volunteer needlessly. If you are asked for help, and if you are free or can fit it into your schedule, help out by all means, but if you don't have the time, say so firmly and politely, and offer to extend help the next time.
Cultivate A Hobby
Join a performing arts class like dancing or singing. It will help you release some of that pent-up frustration and stress.
Find Your Inner Strength
Don't let yourself get upset by the constant nagging, snide remarks and ingratitude of vicious in-laws. Though this is easier said than done, you will have to work at it, and this is only possible once you have your own life, so go for it!
While living separately can change a lot of things, due to financial restrictions it is not always possible to move out of the parents home, at least, not at the drop of a hat. But they could always aim towards buying a house of their own. For every couple undergoing in-law problems, their first goal should be to find independent accommodation, so they can live in peace and bring up their children in a loving atmosphere.
Get A Job
If moving out is not possible for the time being, you, as a woman should change your mindset and try and become more proactive. Get a job. Speak to your friends, neighbours, anyone you know, to find out if anyone knows of any vacancies. Go for interviews and don't take it as a personal insult if you are not selected for the job. J.K. Rowling was rejected by more than 20 publishers before she finally got someone to publish Harry Potter. And now, she's a millionaire 20 times over!
If you are not career oriented and don't forsee yourself in a high-profile career, opt for an easygoing job that will get you out of the house by 9, and in by around 5:30. It will be a change of atmosphere for you. You will make new friends, interact with new people, and no matter how light your job, it will definitely contribute to your personality development. Getting out of the house, rushing to your office, mingling with colleages or customers, making your contribution to the workforce and the economy, getting your salary check at the end of the month, looking forward to weekends and hating Monday mornings, are all parts of the life of an office-goer, and have their own charm.
A job routines you. You're out of the house at a particular time, and you're back at a certain time. As a result, you bathe on time, breakfast on time, lunch on time etc. If you feel that you will not have enough time to do all the things you want to do when you're in a job, you'll be surprised at how you still manage to fit in everything!. True, you'll have to miss those kitty party mid-week lunches, but it's a small sacrifice for something that's so much more fulfilling in the long run. Before you know it, you'll be taking time out for other activities by waking up earlier in the mornings or spending less time in front of the television.
Don't take up a job at the other end of the town if you can avoid it, especially if you are a working mother and have no permanent help. Waking up early every morning to cook lunch for your family and then rushing out to catch the local train, returning home and cooking dinner - is not what I would call an ideal existence. Such an existence is a reality for many, due to the force of circumstance, but I have always believed that the human will is a far more powerful force, and can overcome the force of circumstance with perseverance. Don't be afraid of change.
Keep Your Distance
Continue to respect your mother in law - she is, after all, your husbands mother - but don't be submissive. Be cordial and polite, but keep your distance - physically and emotionally. Don't try and win her over, or it will only cause more hurt when you are faced with ingratitude.
Don't volunteer needlessly. If you are asked for help, and if you are free or can fit it into your schedule, help out by all means, but if you don't have the time, say so firmly and politely, and offer to extend help the next time.
Cultivate A Hobby
Join a performing arts class like dancing or singing. It will help you release some of that pent-up frustration and stress.
Find Your Inner Strength
Don't let yourself get upset by the constant nagging, snide remarks and ingratitude of vicious in-laws. Though this is easier said than done, you will have to work at it, and this is only possible once you have your own life, so go for it!
Mother-in-Law Problems: They're Worse for Women
the most common flash points were issues traditionally considered maternal ones: child care and housework. Conflict arises when the newcomer and the more experienced matriarch wrestle over whose way is best. There's a concern that the values and norms of a different culture will take your son and your grandchildren away from the values and norms embedded in your own family.
child-rearing was one of the most constant and stressful sources of conflict between daughters-in-law and mothers-in-law.
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