Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tips for a Successful Relationship
Long Term Commitment
Like Each Other
Communication
Spend Time Together
Arguments
Affection
Acceptance
Like Each Other
Communication
Spend Time Together
Arguments
Affection
Acceptance
Happy Relationship Tips
Equal in All Matters
Always remember that you and your partner are equal in all matters. Irrespective of who earns more or who works longer hours (at work or at home!) never draw comparisons. This only leads to unnecessary fights, which may turn really ugly. So always try and instead amicably split all the work and responsibilities. If one person is doing the dishes, the other one shouldn't have a problem with getting the laundry done. Once you establish that you're partner is as good as you in all matters, it will help you understand and appreciate what all he /she does for you.
Communicate
The most important tip when it comes to maintaining a happy relationship is to communicate. Most couples create distances between themselves because they fail to communicate. And it is these kind of communication gaps that lead to small issues being blown out of proportion. Often many relationship counselors claim that it is the failure of couples to talk out matters that lead to the failure of a relationship. Hence, the best thing is that if you have something on your mind, talk it out. Nothing should be swept under the carpet, as it will only resurface later, bigger and meaner. Furthermore, saying some nice things, or reading out some happy relationship poems and happy relationship quotes will only make it better.
Get That Spark Back!
It's often seen that after a while any relationship becomes monotonous. Everything that a couple does seems to be repetitive and boring and there's no romance left. In such cases, it is best to do things which will help bring that spark right back into your relationship. Go for a trek, join a dance class or just think of some other creative way which will ensure that you two spend some quality time together. In the end, what counts is that you should always have something fun to do at hand. Don't wait for your relationship to stagnate to such an extent that the damage becomes irreversible.
Give Each Other Space!
Any relationship is meant to be comforting. In other words, you shouldn't get claustrophobic while being with the other person. You do need to spend quality time together but at the same time, you also need to give each other the required space. Let him go out for his boys night outs and let her enjoy some quality time with her girlfriends. If he or she wishes to spend some time with his pr her own group of friends or even with colleagues at work, don't immediately get suspicious and let any kind of jealousy in relationship jeopardize what you have. Instead let him or her have fun with his or her friends to such an extent, the he or she starts missing you! After all, you can't miss someone unless they go away!
Be Realistic
Unknowingly, many couples have unrealistic expectations from each other. For example, if you are in a long distance relationship, don't expect the other party to spend every evening on the phone with you. Ladies, don't expect the guy to have sugar coated conversations with you at the drop of a hat, and men, please don't be over possessive, she has a right to have her own friend circle and go out as and when she pleases. One of the good relationship tips and perhaps the one that is most necessary to follow is to be realistic and give each other room to grow.
Respect, Honesty & Trust
In a healthy relationship, it is very important for a couple to respect each other and be completely honest. Don't get abusive when you have a tiff, as yelling will just lead to resentment later. Respect and trust are as fragile as a crystal glass, once they are shattered, there is no going back. Trust each other, constant and misplaced suspicion will only breed bitterness. Honesty is the key to happiness, so be honest about your needs and opinions. Don't pretend to be someone you are not but don't be too needy either!
Be Responsible for Your Happiness
It is very important that you realize that you are responsible for your own happiness. Don't expect your partner to be the sole crusader of your happiness. One needs to be in the right state of mind to successfully make a relationship last. One has to be comfortable in their own skin, as only then can you share yourself with another. If you have some relationship issues that you need to deal with, do so before you enter any commitment, other wise the issue will be the root cause of many disagreements between you two.
Forgive & Forget
Fights and arguments are inevitable in every relationship. The difference in how these disagreements affect different relationships, depends on the way they are reacted to. Never over-analyze a fight, try to find a solution and leave the blame game behind. Remember to forgive and forget, as harnessing resentment against your partner will only lead to suffocation of the relationship. Many relationships attribute their success to never sleeping off a fight. All issues can be resolved, so solve the problem and then get a good night's sleep. More on relationship advice.
Lovers & Friends
Now everyone knows that in romantic relationships one needs to be lovers, but what most forget is to remain friends, in the pursuit of love. You have to be both, friends and lovers. You need to share secrets and laughs, so that you can create not only romantic memories, but also fun memories. Being friends will help the couple get better acquainted with the soul of their partner.
Always remember that you and your partner are equal in all matters. Irrespective of who earns more or who works longer hours (at work or at home!) never draw comparisons. This only leads to unnecessary fights, which may turn really ugly. So always try and instead amicably split all the work and responsibilities. If one person is doing the dishes, the other one shouldn't have a problem with getting the laundry done. Once you establish that you're partner is as good as you in all matters, it will help you understand and appreciate what all he /she does for you.
Communicate
The most important tip when it comes to maintaining a happy relationship is to communicate. Most couples create distances between themselves because they fail to communicate. And it is these kind of communication gaps that lead to small issues being blown out of proportion. Often many relationship counselors claim that it is the failure of couples to talk out matters that lead to the failure of a relationship. Hence, the best thing is that if you have something on your mind, talk it out. Nothing should be swept under the carpet, as it will only resurface later, bigger and meaner. Furthermore, saying some nice things, or reading out some happy relationship poems and happy relationship quotes will only make it better.
Get That Spark Back!
It's often seen that after a while any relationship becomes monotonous. Everything that a couple does seems to be repetitive and boring and there's no romance left. In such cases, it is best to do things which will help bring that spark right back into your relationship. Go for a trek, join a dance class or just think of some other creative way which will ensure that you two spend some quality time together. In the end, what counts is that you should always have something fun to do at hand. Don't wait for your relationship to stagnate to such an extent that the damage becomes irreversible.
Give Each Other Space!
Any relationship is meant to be comforting. In other words, you shouldn't get claustrophobic while being with the other person. You do need to spend quality time together but at the same time, you also need to give each other the required space. Let him go out for his boys night outs and let her enjoy some quality time with her girlfriends. If he or she wishes to spend some time with his pr her own group of friends or even with colleagues at work, don't immediately get suspicious and let any kind of jealousy in relationship jeopardize what you have. Instead let him or her have fun with his or her friends to such an extent, the he or she starts missing you! After all, you can't miss someone unless they go away!
Be Realistic
Unknowingly, many couples have unrealistic expectations from each other. For example, if you are in a long distance relationship, don't expect the other party to spend every evening on the phone with you. Ladies, don't expect the guy to have sugar coated conversations with you at the drop of a hat, and men, please don't be over possessive, she has a right to have her own friend circle and go out as and when she pleases. One of the good relationship tips and perhaps the one that is most necessary to follow is to be realistic and give each other room to grow.
Respect, Honesty & Trust
In a healthy relationship, it is very important for a couple to respect each other and be completely honest. Don't get abusive when you have a tiff, as yelling will just lead to resentment later. Respect and trust are as fragile as a crystal glass, once they are shattered, there is no going back. Trust each other, constant and misplaced suspicion will only breed bitterness. Honesty is the key to happiness, so be honest about your needs and opinions. Don't pretend to be someone you are not but don't be too needy either!
Be Responsible for Your Happiness
It is very important that you realize that you are responsible for your own happiness. Don't expect your partner to be the sole crusader of your happiness. One needs to be in the right state of mind to successfully make a relationship last. One has to be comfortable in their own skin, as only then can you share yourself with another. If you have some relationship issues that you need to deal with, do so before you enter any commitment, other wise the issue will be the root cause of many disagreements between you two.
Forgive & Forget
Fights and arguments are inevitable in every relationship. The difference in how these disagreements affect different relationships, depends on the way they are reacted to. Never over-analyze a fight, try to find a solution and leave the blame game behind. Remember to forgive and forget, as harnessing resentment against your partner will only lead to suffocation of the relationship. Many relationships attribute their success to never sleeping off a fight. All issues can be resolved, so solve the problem and then get a good night's sleep. More on relationship advice.
Lovers & Friends
Now everyone knows that in romantic relationships one needs to be lovers, but what most forget is to remain friends, in the pursuit of love. You have to be both, friends and lovers. You need to share secrets and laughs, so that you can create not only romantic memories, but also fun memories. Being friends will help the couple get better acquainted with the soul of their partner.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Signs You Are Falling in Love
You are comfortable and secure in your relationship. You trust that your partner won't hurt you and there is no need of suspicion or jealousy.
You have remained together through good times and bad.
Thoughtful things are done just because it makes both of you feel good.
Neither of you make sacrifices, only compromises.
Your significant other has told you of their deep feelings, and they are returned.
Your affections for your partner make you feel special and good about yourself.
When there is a fight, you usually make up after only a few hours and agree that nothing is more important than both of you expressing your true feelings, even if they cause conflict.
You can be yourself when with your partner more so than anyone else.
You've forgotten your ex.
You can't stop thinking about your partner.
You care about your significant other more than anything.
You find your partners quirks charming.
You have great chemistry.
You don't notice others as much.
You love spending time together.
Other priorities take a backseat.
You start thinking about your future together.
You find yourself reading their text over and over again and that too with enjoyment.
You find that your speed of walking decrease when you are walking with them
You hear beats faster whenever you are thinking of them
You find yourself smiling when you just hear their voice
When you lay eyes on them, the surroundings and people around don’t matter to you any more… You can just see him/her…
Their scent is enough to get you high
You find yourself smiling to yourself while you are thinking of them…
While you were reading these signs, there was only one person in your mind…
You have remained together through good times and bad.
Thoughtful things are done just because it makes both of you feel good.
Neither of you make sacrifices, only compromises.
Your significant other has told you of their deep feelings, and they are returned.
Your affections for your partner make you feel special and good about yourself.
When there is a fight, you usually make up after only a few hours and agree that nothing is more important than both of you expressing your true feelings, even if they cause conflict.
You can be yourself when with your partner more so than anyone else.
You've forgotten your ex.
You can't stop thinking about your partner.
You care about your significant other more than anything.
You find your partners quirks charming.
You have great chemistry.
You don't notice others as much.
You love spending time together.
Other priorities take a backseat.
You start thinking about your future together.
You find yourself reading their text over and over again and that too with enjoyment.
You find that your speed of walking decrease when you are walking with them
You hear beats faster whenever you are thinking of them
You find yourself smiling when you just hear their voice
When you lay eyes on them, the surroundings and people around don’t matter to you any more… You can just see him/her…
Their scent is enough to get you high
You find yourself smiling to yourself while you are thinking of them…
While you were reading these signs, there was only one person in your mind…
Friday, April 16, 2010
How to Get Along with Your Co-Workers
1.Greet your co-workers when you see them. A simple "good morning" goes a long way. Being pleasant and cheerful at work is a benefit to you and those around you. Putting your best foot forward can help you actually feel better and it also helps the perception others have of you. Being well liked in the office is definitely better than being known as the office grouch.
2.Try not to get too involved in office politics. Getting involved in office politics can be counterproductive and lead to negative repercussions. Avoid joining cliques and do your best to get to know everyone in your office.
3.Be a team player. If you are working with your co-worker on a project, do your part and as much as you can to avoid unnecessary stress on your teammates.
4.Be considerate. Keep personal calls and conversations at a minimum in order to not disturb co-workers nearby. Make sure you don't conduct any activities that would interrupt their productivity.
5.Give credit where credit is due. If your co-worker takes the initiative on a project or comes up with a good idea, compliment him for his work.
6.Don't throw co-workers under the bus. In other words, don't go out of your way to point out a co-worker's mistakes or limitations, especially in front of other co-workers or your boss. However, if you need to give constructive criticism or feedback, do so at an appropriate time in private.
7.Don't get involved with office gossip. Not only is it a total waste of time, it's also a very negative practice. If a co-worker tries to speak about another co-worker with you, politely change the subject and let her know you would rather not talk about it because it's not your business.
2.Try not to get too involved in office politics. Getting involved in office politics can be counterproductive and lead to negative repercussions. Avoid joining cliques and do your best to get to know everyone in your office.
3.Be a team player. If you are working with your co-worker on a project, do your part and as much as you can to avoid unnecessary stress on your teammates.
4.Be considerate. Keep personal calls and conversations at a minimum in order to not disturb co-workers nearby. Make sure you don't conduct any activities that would interrupt their productivity.
5.Give credit where credit is due. If your co-worker takes the initiative on a project or comes up with a good idea, compliment him for his work.
6.Don't throw co-workers under the bus. In other words, don't go out of your way to point out a co-worker's mistakes or limitations, especially in front of other co-workers or your boss. However, if you need to give constructive criticism or feedback, do so at an appropriate time in private.
7.Don't get involved with office gossip. Not only is it a total waste of time, it's also a very negative practice. If a co-worker tries to speak about another co-worker with you, politely change the subject and let her know you would rather not talk about it because it's not your business.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Friendship
"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend." - Albert Camus
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Love
It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.
Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion, and the romance in a relationship and find out you still care for that person.
A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.
When the door of happiness closes, another opens but oftentimes we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can just be with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it -- but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back!
Don't expect love in return -- just wait for it to grow in their heart, but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
There are things you'd love to hear that you would never hear from the person whom you would like to hear them from -- but don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from their heart.
Never say good-bye if you still want to try -- never give up if you still feel you can go on -- never say you don't love a person anymore if you can't let go.
Love comes to those who still hope, although they've been disappointed, to those who still believe, although they've been betrayed, to those who still need to love, although they've been hurt before, and to those who have the courage and faith to build trust again.
It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone -- but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Hope you find the someone that makes you smile.
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real! Hope you dream of that special someone.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life on this earth, and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human,
enough hope to make you happy and
enough money to buy me gifts.
Always put yourself in other persons shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too.
A careless word may kindle strife; a cruel word may wreck a life; a timely word may level stress; a loving word may heal and bless.
The beginning of love is to let those we love be just themselves, and not twist them with our own image -- otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried -- for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
Addendum -- 1 Peter 4:8 "Above everything, love one another earnestly, because love covers over many sins."
10 Secrets to Fulfilling Relationships
1. The first secret? the power of THOUGHT.
Love begins with our thoughts. We become what we think about. Loving thoughts create loving experiences and loving relationships. Affirmations can change our beliefs and thoughts about ourselves and others. If we want to love someone, we need to consider their needs and desires.
2. The second secret? the power of GIVING.
If you want to receive love, all you have to do is give it! The more love you give, the more you will receive. To love is to give of yourself, freely and unconditionally. Practice random acts of kindness. Before committing to a relationship, ask not what the other person will be able to give to you, but rather what will you be able to give them. The secret formula of a happy, lifelong, loving relationship is to always focus on what you can give instead of what you can take.
3. The third secret? the power of RESPECT.
You cannot love anyone or anything unless you first respect them. The first person you need to respect is yourself. To begin to gain self-respect ask yourself, "What do I respect about myself?" To gain respect for others, even those you may dislike, ask yourself "What do I respect about them?"
4. The fourth secret? the power of FRIENDSHIP.
To find a true love, you must first find a true friend. Love does not consist of gazing into each other's eyes, but rather looking outward together in the same direction. To love someone completely you must love them for who they are, not what they look like. Friendship is the soil through which love's seeds grow. If you want to bring love into a relationship, you must first bring friendship.
5. The fifth secret? the power of LETTING GO.
If you love something, let it free. If it comes back to you, it's yours; if it doesn't, it never was. Even in a loving relationship, people need their own space. If we want to learn to love, we must first learn to forgive and let go of past hurts and grievances. Love means letting go of our fears, prejudices, egos and conditions. "Today I let go of all my fears, the past has no power over me - today is the beginning of a new life."
6. The sixth secret? the power of COMMUNICATION.
When we learn to communicate openly and honestly, life changes. To love someone is to communicate with them. Let the people you love know that you love them and appreciate them. Never be afraid to say those three magic words: "I Love You." Never let an opportunity pass to praise someone. Always leave someone you love with a loving word - it could be the last time you see them! If you were about to die but could make telephone calls to the people you loved, who would you call, what would you say and ... why are you waiting?
7. The seventh secret? the power of COMMITMENT.
If you want to have love in abundance, you must be committed to it, and that commitment will be reflected in your thoughts and actions. Commitment is the true test of love. If you want to have loving relationships, you must be committed to loving relationships. When you are committed to someone or something, quitting is never an option. Commitment distinguishes a fragile relationship from a strong one.
8. The eighth secret? the power of PASSION.
Passion ignites love and keeps it alive. Lasting passion does not come through physical attraction alone, it comes from deep commitment, enthusiasm, interest and excitement. Passion can be recreated by recreating past experiences when you felt passionate. Spontaneity and surprises produce passion. The essence of love and happiness are the same; all we need to do is to live each day with passion.
9. The ninth secret? the power of TOUCH.
Touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love, breaking down barriers and bonding relationships. Touch changes our physical and emotional states and makes us more receptive to love.
10. The tenth secret? the power of TRUST.
Trust is essential in all loving relationships. Without it, one person becomes suspicious, anxious and fearful and the other person feels trapped and emotionally suffocated. You cannot love someone completely unless you trust them completely. Act as if your relationship with the person you love will never end. One of the ways you can tell whether a person is right for you is to ask yourself, "Do I trust them completely and unreservedly?" If the answer is "no", think carefully before making a commitment.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
Why Guys Marry
1: She's Exciting and Always Evolving
You know how every season finale of your favorite TV show ends with a million unanswered questions and you can't freaking wait for the next one? Well, a girl can give her guy that same thrilling mix of exhilaration and anticipation by surprising him.
"She does this by being spontaneous and a little unpredictable, taking on new interests all the time, and revealing different facets of herself," explains Alon Gratch, Ph.D., author of If Love Could Think. By never letting life get static, this woman busts the myth that being married means feeling humdrum. "She makes being with her an adventure, as if there's always a new idea or activity just around the bend," says Gratch.
"With most of my girlfriends, I feared that we'd run out of things to talk about if we spent too much time together. But when I met my fiancée, Gwen, I kept discovering new layers to her. One day she came home from work with a stack of cookbooks; the next week she told me stories about how she loved designing outfits in high school. She's full of small surprises." —Brett, 29
"I dated a lot of girls who liked pushing boundaries, but it all seemed a little forced. My wife's sense of adventure, however, comes from within. She's naturally driven to challenge herself by trying new things. That's the kind of girl you want to marry. If you aren't continually fascinated by each other, it won't last." —Rob, 38
"The thing that makes my fiancée so captivating: She takes risks. I don't mean she bungee jumps off bridges. It's more that when a new opportunity comes along — a different facet to her job or the chance to meet new people at an event or party — she grabs it and proceeds. Her boldness makes her enchanting." —Bob, 27
2: She Really, Really Loves Sex
No big shocker here — a chick who enjoys twisting the sheets will always have a hopping social life. But when a woman makes the effort to have really connected sex that involves both body and mind, she goes from great girlfriend to marriage material in his view.
"Men crave sex that's erotic, but they also want sex that makes them feel deeply bonded," says Gratch. In other words, it's not all about wowing a guy with pretzel-like positions; a big part of having amazing booty is paying close attention to his mind-set and moods during the deed so sex reaches a higher, almost spiritual level.
Another thing that makes them think of the M word: when a woman is actively committed to keeping the passion on high boil. "A guy's biggest fear is that the great sex that made him think you were The One will fall by the wayside," explains Douglas Weiss, Ph.D., author of The 7 Love Agreements: Decisions You Can Make on Your Own to Strengthen Your Marriage. "A woman who puts effort into maintaining that sizzle is a dream come true."
"To make sure that the awesome sex we had when we first met didn't lose its passion, my wife came up with this idea for regular ‘sex bets.' For example, she'd bet me that I couldn't make her climax several times in a row, or I'd challenge her to initiate action in a semipublic spot. We have never fallen into a rut, and our competition keeps us feeling connected." —Jamie, 30
"My fiancée did this terrific thing when we first started having sex: After we were finished, she'd tell me how good I made her feel, that she really liked how I felt against her skin. It made me want to tell her what I liked too. Guys aren't supposed to admit it, but opening up about how sex affects us emotionally actually enhances the physical side of things." —Paul, 28
"My fiancée was up-front from the start about her desire for an extremely satisfying sex life; she never had any hang-ups about taking charge in bed or proposing out-there activities that a lot of women would be afraid to admit they were curious about. I could tell I wasn't getting ensnared in the classic bait-and-switch marriage that so many guys fall into — you know, when the action slows to a halt a year after you become husband and wife." —Russ, 34
3: She Makes It Clear He's Not Her Entire Life
It's flattering to a guy to realize that his girl thinks the world of him, but it's less appealing when he gets the impression that he is her world. That's why a girlfriend who retains her independence and sense of self, even as the relationship takes a serious turn, has definite wife appeal.
"A woman who depends on a man for her sense of fulfillment is a scary thing for a guy," says Gratch. "Men don't want to feel smothered or totally responsible for their partner's day-to-day happiness." The guy ideal: a chick who views coupledom as a solid partnership in which both she and her man still have separate identities.
"Before we were married, Jess would go out with her group of friends a lot, which I later became a part of. But she didn't put all of her focus on me. She made it clear that she was there to hang out with them. I really liked the fact that she wasn't the type of girl who ditches her girlfriends when she meets a guy. It made me confident that she'd always have her own life outside our relationship." —Sam, 33
"She definitely makes time for me so we can do things as boyfriend and girlfriend, but my fiancée also keeps up her own life. She has a weekly dinner with college friends, an art class every Thursday night, plus the responsibilities of her job as a journalist. I like that she doesn't check with me first to see what I want to do and she doesn't offer to bail out of an event or night out with pals in favor of always being with me." —Charles, 35
4: ...Yet She Still Conveys How Very Important He Is to Her
Okay, so men dig independent chicks. But there's a fine line between being independent and acting aloof and detached. Guys settle down with a woman who regularly reveals her tender side and shows him that no matter what happens, she's got his back.
"Men view life as a struggle or war that they're fighting, and they want someone who'll be on their side at all times, through thick and thin," says Gratch. "This doesn't mean that a woman should mother him or assist him with every little detail of his life; it's more about consistently doing small, nurturing things that let him know you really care."
A couple of examples: Bringing him a treat when he tells you he isn't feeling well or complimenting his brilliance after he finishes a stressful work project. "These gestures are tiny, but they reassure a man that his girl is solidly on his team," says Gratch.
"When we first started becoming a serious couple, my fiancé accepted a new job that required a lot of travel and attention. Still, even from hotels across the country, she took the time to call and check in on how my day was going and e-mail me little messages. She even stocked my refrigerator with beer and sandwiches before she'd leave on another trip. Her concern and thoughtfulness helped push our relationship to a higher level." —David, 28
"Every so often, my in-laws and I will get into an argument. But from the very first one, my wife has always respectfully defended me, and this made me want to be with her forever. She loves her parents and values their opinions, of course, and she and I don't always see eye to eye. Yet no matter what the issue is, she still lets her family know that she's sticking by me. This is a big thing for guys. I know it sounds ridiculous, but men tend to see themselves as misunderstood lone wolves."-Alan, 30
5: She Wants Him to Be the Best Man He Can Be
Men don't secretly want their girlfriends to bark orders at them like a drill sergeant. It's more about helping him reach his potential by actively supporting his goals, even pushing him a teensy bit so he can succeed in whatever he does.
"Young guys tend to try to get away with as little as possible, and a lot of women let them, thinking that it would be out of line to challenge their man," says Harley. "But a man admires a woman who encourages him to shape up and toe the line ... as long as she has his best interests in mind and isn't trying to mold him."
This also means calling his bluff and not letting him get away with slacking off. "Even though it might seem like tough love at the time, she helps him achieve and accomplish things, and deep down he appreciates her for that," says Harley.
"Before we got engaged, the woman who is now my fiancé told me that she thought I was drinking too much, working too hard, and not taking care of myself. Ouch. But when I actually took in what she said, I knew that she was right and she was looking out for me. No other girlfriend had ever been so honest." —Ryan, 29
"I wasn't on speaking terms with my father for years, and when I told my girlfriend this and that I just didn't care about having a relationship with him anymore, she didn't nod sympathetically. She made me call him and work things out because she knew I'd eventually regret it if I didn't. She had the guts to disagree with me about something most women wouldn't want to get involved in." —Shawn, 31
You know how every season finale of your favorite TV show ends with a million unanswered questions and you can't freaking wait for the next one? Well, a girl can give her guy that same thrilling mix of exhilaration and anticipation by surprising him.
"She does this by being spontaneous and a little unpredictable, taking on new interests all the time, and revealing different facets of herself," explains Alon Gratch, Ph.D., author of If Love Could Think. By never letting life get static, this woman busts the myth that being married means feeling humdrum. "She makes being with her an adventure, as if there's always a new idea or activity just around the bend," says Gratch.
"With most of my girlfriends, I feared that we'd run out of things to talk about if we spent too much time together. But when I met my fiancée, Gwen, I kept discovering new layers to her. One day she came home from work with a stack of cookbooks; the next week she told me stories about how she loved designing outfits in high school. She's full of small surprises." —Brett, 29
"I dated a lot of girls who liked pushing boundaries, but it all seemed a little forced. My wife's sense of adventure, however, comes from within. She's naturally driven to challenge herself by trying new things. That's the kind of girl you want to marry. If you aren't continually fascinated by each other, it won't last." —Rob, 38
"The thing that makes my fiancée so captivating: She takes risks. I don't mean she bungee jumps off bridges. It's more that when a new opportunity comes along — a different facet to her job or the chance to meet new people at an event or party — she grabs it and proceeds. Her boldness makes her enchanting." —Bob, 27
2: She Really, Really Loves Sex
No big shocker here — a chick who enjoys twisting the sheets will always have a hopping social life. But when a woman makes the effort to have really connected sex that involves both body and mind, she goes from great girlfriend to marriage material in his view.
"Men crave sex that's erotic, but they also want sex that makes them feel deeply bonded," says Gratch. In other words, it's not all about wowing a guy with pretzel-like positions; a big part of having amazing booty is paying close attention to his mind-set and moods during the deed so sex reaches a higher, almost spiritual level.
Another thing that makes them think of the M word: when a woman is actively committed to keeping the passion on high boil. "A guy's biggest fear is that the great sex that made him think you were The One will fall by the wayside," explains Douglas Weiss, Ph.D., author of The 7 Love Agreements: Decisions You Can Make on Your Own to Strengthen Your Marriage. "A woman who puts effort into maintaining that sizzle is a dream come true."
"To make sure that the awesome sex we had when we first met didn't lose its passion, my wife came up with this idea for regular ‘sex bets.' For example, she'd bet me that I couldn't make her climax several times in a row, or I'd challenge her to initiate action in a semipublic spot. We have never fallen into a rut, and our competition keeps us feeling connected." —Jamie, 30
"My fiancée did this terrific thing when we first started having sex: After we were finished, she'd tell me how good I made her feel, that she really liked how I felt against her skin. It made me want to tell her what I liked too. Guys aren't supposed to admit it, but opening up about how sex affects us emotionally actually enhances the physical side of things." —Paul, 28
"My fiancée was up-front from the start about her desire for an extremely satisfying sex life; she never had any hang-ups about taking charge in bed or proposing out-there activities that a lot of women would be afraid to admit they were curious about. I could tell I wasn't getting ensnared in the classic bait-and-switch marriage that so many guys fall into — you know, when the action slows to a halt a year after you become husband and wife." —Russ, 34
3: She Makes It Clear He's Not Her Entire Life
It's flattering to a guy to realize that his girl thinks the world of him, but it's less appealing when he gets the impression that he is her world. That's why a girlfriend who retains her independence and sense of self, even as the relationship takes a serious turn, has definite wife appeal.
"A woman who depends on a man for her sense of fulfillment is a scary thing for a guy," says Gratch. "Men don't want to feel smothered or totally responsible for their partner's day-to-day happiness." The guy ideal: a chick who views coupledom as a solid partnership in which both she and her man still have separate identities.
"Before we were married, Jess would go out with her group of friends a lot, which I later became a part of. But she didn't put all of her focus on me. She made it clear that she was there to hang out with them. I really liked the fact that she wasn't the type of girl who ditches her girlfriends when she meets a guy. It made me confident that she'd always have her own life outside our relationship." —Sam, 33
"She definitely makes time for me so we can do things as boyfriend and girlfriend, but my fiancée also keeps up her own life. She has a weekly dinner with college friends, an art class every Thursday night, plus the responsibilities of her job as a journalist. I like that she doesn't check with me first to see what I want to do and she doesn't offer to bail out of an event or night out with pals in favor of always being with me." —Charles, 35
4: ...Yet She Still Conveys How Very Important He Is to Her
Okay, so men dig independent chicks. But there's a fine line between being independent and acting aloof and detached. Guys settle down with a woman who regularly reveals her tender side and shows him that no matter what happens, she's got his back.
"Men view life as a struggle or war that they're fighting, and they want someone who'll be on their side at all times, through thick and thin," says Gratch. "This doesn't mean that a woman should mother him or assist him with every little detail of his life; it's more about consistently doing small, nurturing things that let him know you really care."
A couple of examples: Bringing him a treat when he tells you he isn't feeling well or complimenting his brilliance after he finishes a stressful work project. "These gestures are tiny, but they reassure a man that his girl is solidly on his team," says Gratch.
"When we first started becoming a serious couple, my fiancé accepted a new job that required a lot of travel and attention. Still, even from hotels across the country, she took the time to call and check in on how my day was going and e-mail me little messages. She even stocked my refrigerator with beer and sandwiches before she'd leave on another trip. Her concern and thoughtfulness helped push our relationship to a higher level." —David, 28
"Every so often, my in-laws and I will get into an argument. But from the very first one, my wife has always respectfully defended me, and this made me want to be with her forever. She loves her parents and values their opinions, of course, and she and I don't always see eye to eye. Yet no matter what the issue is, she still lets her family know that she's sticking by me. This is a big thing for guys. I know it sounds ridiculous, but men tend to see themselves as misunderstood lone wolves."-Alan, 30
5: She Wants Him to Be the Best Man He Can Be
Men don't secretly want their girlfriends to bark orders at them like a drill sergeant. It's more about helping him reach his potential by actively supporting his goals, even pushing him a teensy bit so he can succeed in whatever he does.
"Young guys tend to try to get away with as little as possible, and a lot of women let them, thinking that it would be out of line to challenge their man," says Harley. "But a man admires a woman who encourages him to shape up and toe the line ... as long as she has his best interests in mind and isn't trying to mold him."
This also means calling his bluff and not letting him get away with slacking off. "Even though it might seem like tough love at the time, she helps him achieve and accomplish things, and deep down he appreciates her for that," says Harley.
"Before we got engaged, the woman who is now my fiancé told me that she thought I was drinking too much, working too hard, and not taking care of myself. Ouch. But when I actually took in what she said, I knew that she was right and she was looking out for me. No other girlfriend had ever been so honest." —Ryan, 29
"I wasn't on speaking terms with my father for years, and when I told my girlfriend this and that I just didn't care about having a relationship with him anymore, she didn't nod sympathetically. She made me call him and work things out because she knew I'd eventually regret it if I didn't. She had the guts to disagree with me about something most women wouldn't want to get involved in." —Shawn, 31
anger
Anger makes you smaller, while forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.
If you would cure anger, do not feed it. Say to yourself: 'I used to be angry every day; then every other day; now only every third or fourth day.' When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods
Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life
Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret
If you would cure anger, do not feed it. Say to yourself: 'I used to be angry every day; then every other day; now only every third or fourth day.' When you reach thirty days offer a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the gods
Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life
Speak when you are angry--and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Smile
“Smile at each other,
smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other -- it doesn't matter who it is -- and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.”
smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other -- it doesn't matter who it is -- and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.”
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